


Find you

by herilaveur



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24367333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur
Summary: What if Eliott and Lucas had met a year earlier?Eliott, 18 years old, is hospitalized for a suicide attempt. His parents and his girlfriend blame his bipolarity and he's fed up. He meets Lucas, 16 years old, whose mother has just been interned and who must learn to manage everything alone.The two boys comfort each other and Eliott finds in this fortuitous meeting the desire to get better.But how does he react when his doctor tells him that Lucas is just a hallucination due to his illness?
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 94
Kudos: 179





	1. Find courage

Eliott can't take it anymore. He can't stand to look at them like that. His parents are trying to throw a forced smile at him and pretend everything's okay. Except nothing is okay. He'd rather be alone in the room they gave him last night than in that waiting room with them.

He turns his head so he doesn't see them anymore. And his surroundings are no better to look at. A boy who must be his age is walking up the hallway, but he can barely stand upright. It's as if he's drugged. And Eliott knows that some of them are. They're addicted to antidepressants and painkillers. And Eliott doesn't want to look like that.

A girl gets to her room by a nurse. She looks so skinny it hurts to see. So Eliott looks away and looks at his hands. He just wants to get out of here. 

"Eliott?"

He looks up at the nurse, who hands him a block with a form and sits down next to him. She puts her hand gently on Eliott's knee and he hates it. He knows what she's doing, she's trying to make him feel confident. But Eliott doesn't trust anybody. Not even himself.

''Some patients find it's easier to answer his questions in writing before they see the doctor. Want to fill this out?"

Eliott looks at the paper. He quickly reads the 10 questions and starts laughing nervously. It's totally stupid. The paper doesn't have a title, but if it did, it would be : "Why did you attempt suicide?"

He's about to push the block back but his father makes an annoying sound as if he's expecting it and that pisses Eliott off even more.

''Can I have a quiet place to do this? I just wanna be alone."

The nurse gives him a sorry smile and shakes her head.

''We can't leave you alone after what you've done, Eliott. Not now. But you don't have to show your parents, and they understand that. It's just to help you, Eliott. We're all here to help you."

Eliott wants to say that he is 18, that he doesn't need his parents, let alone their silent reproach, and that their presence doesn't help at all, but he doesn't do anything about it. He only listens to the nurse explain to him that she will come back soon to get him to see the psychiatrist. He curls up on himself and takes the pencil hanging on the pad. 

He turns the paper over and starts to draw a sad raccoon, caught in the claws of a cat. He hardly draws anything else now. He has almost finished the small details when the pencil lead breaks. He gets up and is about to leave the room when his father stops him holding his arm.

''I'm just gonna sharpen the pencil, Daddy. I just want to move on and forget about it so I'll go get a pencil and fill out their damn form and show the doctor I want to move on and I'm sorry."

His dad takes his hand away and nods it and lets him out. Eliott feels like he just walked out of a jail cell. He heads for the nurses' station, but there's no one there. So he grabs two pencils and goes back to the waiting room. But he stops as soon as he hears his mother crying.

''Calm down, honey. Don't make things worse than they are."

''Worse? Worse? Our son tried to kill himself. Do you realize that? We no longer understand him at all and his illness is getting worse. I don't want to lose him, but there it's not my son. I want my baby back."

Eliott turns around without thinking and walk up the hallway in the opposite direction. He doesn't want to see the pain he's creating in his mother. 

A nurse comes out of a room and Eliott panics. He pushes the door to the fire escape and rushes in before he can be seen. He goes up three flights of stairs and ends up sitting on a step with his head in his hands, putting the form next to him.

At least here he is calm and can let himself go. Then he cries. Without worrying that it's noisy. He just wants to let out whatever's killing him from the inside. 

''Anybody there? Please tell me you're not a ghost."

Eliott smiles as he looks up. The voice comes from above.

''No, no ghost.''

Footsteps are heard and Eliott regrets answering. And he regrets it even more when he sees that the boy who joins him is wearing a nurse's top. But he looks so young. He must be 15 or 16. Or maybe he's 18 and he looks just young. Eliott can't take his eyes out of his hair all over his head. It's like they're fighting weightlessness with every step. Eliott wipes the tears from his cheeks as he apologizes.

''I'm sorry, I hate being seen like that.''

The boy seems hesitant, but finally he sits on the step, next to Eliott. 

''We're not crying because we're weak, but because we've been strong too long and we're tired of fighting. My mom says that all the time.''

The boy turns his head to Eliott, and their eyes meet. And he's got the bluest fucking look in his eyes that Eliott ever saw. They look at each other too long before the boy breaks the silence.

''Hi, I'm Lucas.''

Even his voice is sweet. It's in stark contrast to the melancholy look on his face. 

''Eliott.'' 

Lucas bends over to look at Eliott's drawing. And even though Eliott hates it when people do this because he finds it too intrusive, he doesn't say anything. For once, he doesn't really mind. 

''It's so beautiful. You're so good at it. It's like he's gonna come out of the paper. Anyway, I hope this poor raccoon gets out of the cat's claws, cause he looks really unhappy."

Eliott nods his head in thanks before turning the page.

''I'm supposed to fill this out, but I can't do it after the first question : _Do you regret the life choices that brought you here?_ "

Eliott groans as he puts his head in his hands.

''I don't like the words. I like to draw. It's so much easier to express yourself with drawings."

The boy makes a sort of giggle, and Eliott stand his head to look at him. And indeed Lucas actually pinches his lips so he doesn't laugh.

''I'm sorry, but I completely disagree. I love words. I love reading, and I love writing. I love music even more because even without words, it tells a story. But ask me to draw something and I swear you won't even remember what you asked me to do when you see the result."

Eliott puts the pencil and paper in his hands.

''Well, I guess you're here to help me fill this out, then."

Lucas shakes his head and hands the block back to Eliott.

''No. I'm not a"

Eliott puts his elbows on the step behind him, bending his head back to look at the ceiling.

''Can you consider regretting the choices you've made in your life when you've made no choices at all?''

Lucas puts the paper on the step behind him, looking intrigued.

''If it's not you, who is it?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

''My parents. My girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend. I don't really know. I feel like there's always someone there to tell me what to do and especially to remind me when I'm not doing the right thing."

Lucas looks at him but doesn't say anything. And Eliott likes it. He hates being pushed to talk. He looks at Lucas out of the corner of his eye. He just waits. Like he's giving Eliott time to talk. So Eliott flips the paper over again to find the drawing.

''It's me and her. I don't want to be with her anymore, but it's like she's got me in her clutches. She's turning my parents against me. And according to the three of them, it's all about my bipolarity. Every time I talk about leaving her, she blames it on an episode. In fact, everything I do is a fucking episode with her: my drawings, the music I listen to, the clandestine parties, my sexuality... She says no one else can take care of me except her. Not even me. And I got to a point where I thought she was right, but I didn't want her to be right. So I thought it was easier to just end it and stop fighting everyone. The only real choice I made was to die, and I didn't even make it. And I don't know if I'm happy or not that I missed it."

Lucas sniffs and Eliott turns to him. He's not expecting to see tears coming out of the blue eyes of the boy sitting next to him. 

''You're not gonna be a nurse or a doctor if you cry every time there's a suicide attempt.'' Eliott ironically points out.

Lucas wipes his eyes in one sleeve of the blouse before looking at him again.

''I don't work here. I've been trying to tell you that earlier. I'm wearing a nurse' top because my mom threw up on me. And, yeah, nothing very flattering in there, but It's the truth."

Eliott closes his eyes, resting his head in his hands again.

''I'm sorry. I thought you were sent here to make sure I wasn't gonna hurt myself. But why are you here, then?"

Lucas seems hesitant, then takes a breath and looks at his hands rubbing nervously against each other.

''I just needed a few minutes alone. My mother's being committed because of her illness. She's schizophrenic. My father ran away two years ago and I've been taking care of her ever since. But even though I love her more than anything, I can't do it anymore. I can't handle school and the house and keeping her safe. She feels like a burden to me and she wanted to free me from it. But I can't imagine my life without her. I wish I could.... I wish I could do more for her. She doesn't deserve that. Just like I'm sure you don't either. It's just so unfair. But when I think that she tried to kill herself and leave me alone, I think it's even more unfair. And I feel so selfish thinking that."

And Lucas is crying, hiding his face in his hands. Eliott puts one arm around his shoulders and pulls him towards it. Lucas rtightens up but eventually leans over and puts his arms around Eliott's waist. Each puts his head on the other's shoulder and they stand without a word letting the tears come out instead.

Eliott closes his eyes and for once, he feels good. As if his thoughts are calming down. He doesn't know if it's been five minutes or several hours when they hear voices shouting his name. 

Lucas immediately steps back and smiles at him.

''I think you're wanted.''

Eliott nods his head and sighs.

"I don't know if I want to be found."

Lucas looks at him, puts his hand on Eliott's and smiles a little.

''I'm glad I found you, Eliott. And thank you, it felt good to be able to stop being strong for a while.''

And Lucas stands up and Eliott does the same thing. They look at each other silently as the voices rise up to them. Lucas takes the pad of paper, writes, then hands it to Eliott before he leaves.

Eliot's face lights up as he reads what Lucas has just written. He takes a deep breath and goes down the stairs.

''Here I am. I'm okay. I'm gonna be okay."

He turns around one last time to see Lucas, but he's already gone. So he tears off the piece of paper Lucas wrote on and stuffs it in his pocket. 

The whole time he is talking to the doctor, he is clutching this piece of paper in his pocket. As if the words engraved on it could become embedded in him and give him the strength to move forward. 

_''The only bad choice is to make no choice."  
_

He smiles the whole time he's telling the doctor how they met. But the doctor doesn't smile back. He keeps writing on the paper in front of him. 

He's asking Eliott's parents to come in for his verdict. And the verdict is irrevocable: Eliott suffers from a manic-depressive episode with hallucinations and is a danger to himself. He will have to stay in hospital until he can be treated. 

''I'm not hallucinating.'' Eliott defends himself. ''I swear Lucas was real.''

The doctor shakes his head and puts his hand on his shoulder.

''Hallucinations always look real, kid. But there was no one with you on the stairs. And did you hear what you're saying? A boy you don't know finds the right words for you and in turn confides his whole life before hugging you? Listen to you, Eliott. This may sound like a movie script, but it doesn't happen in real life.''

Eliott sighs and pulls out the piece of paper that he's still holding his hand.

"Well, who wrote this, then?''

The doctor takes the paper and sighs, and Eliott starts crying. The wetness of his hand has blurred everything on the note and it's completely illegible. 


	2. Find himself

Lucas sighs. He didn't want to be here and he was right. He has nothing to do here. He should never have agreed to come. 

The whole thing pisses him off. This party pisses him off, his friends piss him off, his life pisses him off. He's so angry, he feels like he'll never be able to feel anything else again. He's angry at them. He's angry at himself. He's angry at his father. He's angry at his mother. He's angry at the whole world and nobody seems to realize it and it makes him even more angry.

Yann passes him the joint like it's nothing and Lucas shoots him a lot more than he should. He just wants to get high. Forget.

Forget that 10 days ago, he found his lifeless mother on the floor, her box of antidepressants completely empty next to her. Forget the look of betrayal she gave him when the doctors told him that she would be in a mental hospital for several weeks. Forget the insults she said when she looked at him. Forget the smell of vomit that he feels like he's always dragging on him and that the too many showers he's taken haven't managed to erase from his memory. Forget that he hasn't been allowed to see her since and that tomorrow he will go there for the first time. Forget that his landlord told him that he had to leave the apartment two days ago and that since then he has been sleeping in the locker room of the high school. Forget that the teachers are pissing him off because he doesn't do his homework. Forget that he didn't tell his friends any of this and that he doesn't know how to tell them without provoking pity. Forget about his buddies who only talk about girls they want to have sex with. He just wants to forget about one night. 

He's pulling at the joint again. 

''Oh, Lucas, pass it on. What are you doing to us? Don't get personal."

Reluctantly, he passes the joint to Arthur and bends over to grab his beer. It's a lousy party and all the boys are talking about girls. Once again, he feels completely hypocritical about it. He shouldn't have come. 

He's drinking his beer, that'll help him forget, too. 

Forget about that boy crying on the stairs. 

He must absolutely forget him. But he can't. As soon as he closes his eyes, he sees his sad face. His eyes slightly almond-shaped and ringed as if he never sleeps. He imagines his long thin fingers drawing. He imagines taking him in his arms and holding him back. He imagines that they are well, just the two of them, as if they were alone in the world. And that's all he wants for the moment: to let himself go again in this boy's arms and not think about anything. To feel good like he did ten days ago. 

Lucas sighs. He shouldn't think like that. He should be like his buddies and fantasize about girls. He shouldn't be thinking about boys all the time, especially that boy.

Eliott. 

It's like his name is carved in his head. And yet he knows he shouldn't see him again. For one thing, he feels completely lost when he thinks of Eliott. He has been thinking about boys for a while, but he never wanted to go any further. It was more like a fantasy and Lucas even thought it would pass over time. But now he really imagines kissing Eliott, letting his hands roam his body and discover what they can do together. But he shouldn't think like that. He doesn't want to think like that. his life is quite complicated like that. And then it would not be fair for Eliott.The poor guy is already totally overwhelmed by his problems, he certainly doesn't need a guy full of extra problems at his side. 

''Good Lulu, what are you doing here? You sulk?"

Lucas turns to Yann who seems exasperated.

''Come on Lucas, move it. We wanted you to have some fun. You seem so far away sometimes. Let go, have some fun. We only have one life, you're not going to spend your time sulking. It's not fun for you or us."

Lucas puts down his empty bottle and gets up. His head spins a little but he does not care. He greets Basile who's trying to pick up girls in the middle of the dance floor and leaves the house. 

He wanders around the city a little, not really knowing where to go. He's totally lost. He has nowhere to go since he was planning to sleep at Yann's tonight. 

He pulls out his phone and looks for the nearest bar. He's not old enough to drink, but maybe we won't ask him for his ID. His phone tells him the first one's a half a mile away. But a mile away, there's _Le Depot_. 

Lucas has already passed it a couple of times with his friends. Everybody knows it's a gay bar. Plus it says on the sign: Men only.

So without really thinking, he clicks on it and follows the route. When he gets to the front, he gets a killer look at the bouncer. Anyway, he has no desire to smile. Surprisingly, the bouncer lets him in.

He sits down at the bar and orders himself a beer. It's really weird to be here. Lucas looks at the men dancing with each other. Some of them are kissing or fondling each other. They seem free. Totally happy. And Lucas finds himself envying them.

In another universe, Lucas could imagine himself here with Eliott, dancing, kissing, laughing. Just the two of them being happy. And once again, Lucas envies the other Lucas. He really hopes that their lives are better than his own. Fucking shitty universe that he lives in.  
  
His beer isn't finished when the barkeep drops a cocktail on him and shows him some guy at the end of the counter. And that's enough to make Lucas smile. That, and all the booze and shit running through his veins but it's still the first time he's ever been bought a drink. And the guy's kind of cute, too. Brown hair, short, probably in his 20s. 

Lucas raises his glass in his direction and the guy must take that as a sign because he comes over and sits down next to Lucas.

''Hi.''

''Hi. And thank you."

And the guy laughs and puts his hand on Lucas' hand.

''I'm Chris. I think you're really cute. First time?"

Lucas smiles a little more.

"I look so novice?"

Chris shrugs his shoulders and leans towards him a little.

''You seem a little scared. But don't worry, I'm watching over you."

Lucas takes his glass back and nods his head. 

''Would you like to dance? Or do you want go to a quieter place??"

Lucas doesn't know what he wants. He feels like he doesn't really know himself anymore. He looks at the guy smiling at him. It would be easy to kiss him just to find out if he's really gay. But the moment he hesitates, Chris puts an arm around his shoulders and it's like an electric shock. He sees himself crying on the fire escape. He sees Eliott's arm around his shoulders again, and then Eliott takes him in his arms. His arm was reassuring while Chris's crush him.

Lucas looks Chris in the eye for reassurance. And he feels like he's seeing a predator staring at his prey. Maybe it's the weed and the booze that's poisoning his feelings, but he's panicking. He rushes to his feet and leaves. But the guy catches him in the middle of the club.

''Hey, don't go like that. We were having a good time. We can have more fun. There's so much I can show you, I promise you'll love it. I feel in the mood to give tonight."

Lucas shakes his head and tries to pull his arm, but he's holding it tight.

''No. I have to go home.''

''Wait, I'm coming with you. We can go somewhere else."

A guy comes out of nowhere, puts his arm around Lucas' shoulders and comes between him and Chris.

''Oh, there you are. You have nothing to do here. Sorry, man, that's my little brother, and he's only 16 years old. So get yourself someone else. Come on, let's go home."

Lucas looks at him surprised and takes two seconds to recognize Manon's roommate. He tried to hook him up, and Lucas had gone through his insta profile. But he certainly wasn't gonna date Manon's roommate. 

Lucas nods his head and follows him out of the club. Once in the street, Mika looks at him and seems to hesitate before talking.

''Lucas? Are you okay?"

Lucas shakes his head.

''Do you want me to take you home?''

And then it's too much. Lucas starts crying, then he throws up everything he drank, crying. As soon as he stops vomiting Mika pulls him into her arms and gently strokes his back.

''Manon's not here this weekend, you'll sleep in her room and we'll talk about it tomorrow.''

Lucas nods and sits on the first available bench to wait with his head in his hands, fighting the urge to vomit. Now everyone's gonna know Mika found him in a gay club and Lucas feels even worse.

When Lucas opens his eyes, he has a moment of panic because he doesn't know where he is. And then he intercepts the picture of the crew pinned to the wall and the evening comes back to him. He doesn't remember much after vomiting. 

The door opens slowly so Lucas sits down on the bed and lets his back rest against the head of Manon's bed.

''Oh you're awake, kitten. How are you?"

Lucas blinks twice as he looks at Mika.

''Don't call me kitten. I'm... I'm not gay."

Lucas doesn't even know why he added that. Plus, even to him, it sounds totally wrong. But strangely enough, it makes Mika smile as she enters the room and gently closes the door.

''Of course not, every 16-year-old straight guy gets drunk in a gay bar. I don't care, Lucas. But, like, totally. You can be gay, bi, pan or just lost, it's not gonna make any difference to me. And I'm not gonna hit on you if you're gay, if that's what you're afraid of. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want as long as you're not drunk. But getting completely drunk in a gay club isn't very smart. You could've been picked up by anyone, kitten."

"Don't call me kitten." Lucas grunts as he crosses his arms over his chest.

Mika looks up to the sky and sits on the bed.

''And what do you want me to call you? Baby? Little?"

''Or maybe just Lucas.'' He answers in an ironic voice.

Mika shakes his head and puts his hand on Lucas' knee.

''There are already too many people called you just Lucas. And I think you need someone else to call you otherwise, kitten."

Lucas puts his head down. Mika is right, even Yann doesn't call him Bro anymore. He still calls him Lulu sometimes, but it doesn't sound the same. Even his mother called him Lucas when he left her.

Lucas jumps at the thought of him and grabs his phone.

''Shit. I got a meeting in twenty minutes."

"You need a ride?"

Lucas hesitates. He doesn't want to say where he's going. But if he takes public transportation, he's bound to be late.

''You don't have to say anything to me, Lucas. Just tell me where I'm dropping you off and if you want me to wait for you."

Lucas looks at Mika with a puzzled look on his face.

''Why are you being so nice to me? You do not even know me."

Mika shrugs his shoulders and gets up out of bed.

''You remind me of me, actually. Alone, lost, lying to himself. I've had a hard time accepting myself, too, Lucas. I haven't always been this clear with myself, far from it. And I wish I had a guru to guide me. The society we live in wants to be tolerant, and it's much more tolerant than it was years ago, but it's still hard not to fit in with the image others have of you. But a closet is dark, cramped and smells bad, Lucas, so don't stay in it too long. The longer you hide in there, the harder it's gonna be to get out. But in the meantime, let's go, or you're really gonna be late."

Lucas gets up and gets his stuff. He joins Mika in the hallway, who slips him a cup of coffee and a brioche in his hands.

''Where do you want me to drop you off?''

''The White House Hospital, you know where it is?''

Mika nods his head and grabs his car keys.

''Okay. Let's go."

Lucas tightens up as soon as he sees the hospital. It's crazy how just seeing a place can make you feel even worse.

''Tell me how long you're going to be and I'll be there to pick you up.''

Lucas shakes his head. 

''No, it's okay, Mika, don't worry. I don't even really know how long I'm going to be able to stay. I'll take the bus. But thank you so much."

Mika grabbed his arm as Lucas was getting ready to get out of the car.

"Do you know where to sleep tonight?"

Lucas rushes out of the car, embarrassed. 

''Thank you for everything, Mika. I'm sorry I ruined your night last night. Maybe I'll see you later."

And he walks into the hospital with his hands in his pockets. He goes upstairs to his mother's floor and goes to the nurses' station to introduce himself.

And that's another disappointment. 

His mother can't see him. The doctors think it's too soon, that she's too fragile and seeing Lucas to weaken her further. The nurse advises him to call back next Saturday to see if he can come so that he doesn't come for nothing. 

Lucas comes out of the service with tears in his eyes. He just wants to cry but there's no way he's going to do it here, in the middle of all the people in the halls. 

So he rushes down the fire stairs like he did the first time he came here and cries. It's too much. It's really the last straw that makes everything spill over.

"Lucas?"

Lucas stops immediately and tilts his head over the railing. Eliott looks at him three or four levels down. He looks happy and scared at the same time. 

Lucas comes down the stairs and he hears Eliott coming up to meet him. As soon as they are at the same level, Eliott stretches his hand towards him. Lucas is about to feel a light touch on his hand but instead, Eliott pinches him. Lucas shouts of surprise and his push Eliott who stumbles and hits his head against the wall.

Eliott sits on the floor and Lucas begins to be afraid because Eliott is on the verge of tears.

''Are you real? Tell me you're fucking real, Lucas."

Lucas just hesitates for two seconds. Eliott must be in the middle of a crisis. He knows that when his mother's not well, he needs to be as calm as possible. So Lucas crouches down and puts his hand on Eliott's hand and pinches him lightly. And Eliott is startled.

''I'm real. Or you wouldn't be feeling the pain.''

Eliott starts crying and Lucas doesn't think, he wraps his arms around him and lets him cry on his shoulder.

''They said you were a hallucination.''

And slowly, trying to calm him down, Eliott tells him how for 11 days, all the doctors think they're hallucinating and keep increasing his medication because he won't admit it.

''They think I'm crazy, Lucas. And I almost believed them. They're killing me from the inside. I just want to get out of here.''

Lucas is holding him a little tighter. He blames himself for creating so much trouble at Eliott's. He only saw him for five minutes and he totally ruined that boy's life. Lucas really feels like he's toxic.

''I'm really sorry, Eliott, we're gonna go to the doctor and he''

''What the hell is this shit?''.

Lucas and Eliott jump out and turn to the girl standing a few steps down. And just the way Eliott's body tightens up, Lucas knows it's his girlfriend.

''Look at Lucille, that's Lucas.'' Eliott says as he stands ''You can see he's real. You were all wrong. I'm not crazy. Look, he is real."

Lucille looks at Lucas, and the look she gives him is not a relieved look at all. It's a look of anger. She looks very angry.

''Well, all right. Eliott, you can't just disappear like that. You've been told several times to stop coming up fire escapes. You have your appointment, you're already late. Come on."

She reaches out to him, but Eliott doesn't move and looks at Lucas.

''Come on, Eliott. ''chasing her. '' We'll tell her Lucas is real. This is important. I could confirm that. You're finally gonna get better and you're gonna get out of here.''

So Eliott nods and sends a little smile to Lucas before he walks down the stairs. Lucas wonders if he should follow him down a few steps but Lucille stops him by putting her hand on his chest and bends over so she can whisper in his ear.

''Thank you, Lucas. But Eliott is in a really bad place right now. I really think it would be best for him if you just leave him alone. He's already lost 11 days because of you. Just leave him alone so he can get better. You cause more problems than you solve. I'll take care of Eliott, it's my boyfriend."

Lucas sits stupidly on the stairs until a door slams. He ends up going down the stairs trying to reassure himself, at least Eliott won't be considered hallucinating anymore. He should recover, get out and get better.

Lucas rejects the bad feeling that forms in him, and walks through the hospital doors without turning around. As soon as he reaches the hospital forecourt, he sees Mika making grand gestures to him. 

''Come on, kitten, let's go home.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's funny, I didn't think you could imagine that Lucas was really a hallucination...I loved reading it in your comments! thank you very much. 
> 
> This fic will be an alternation of Eliott POV and Lucas POV...so, see you tomorrow with Eliott...


	3. Find paradise

Eliott looks at Lucille talking to the psychiatrist and he feels so relieved. It's as if a huge weight has finally been lifted off his shoulders. He knew that Lucas was not a hallucination. He was certain of it. He couldn't be otherwise. Everything's gonna be better now. Finally, he sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

But he doesn't understand why the doctor looks so upset. Shouldn't he be smiling? He waved to Eliott to go into his office and thanks Lucille. 

''Eliott. You know that if we're going to help you, you really need to tell us every time you have hallucinations. If Lucille hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known you were thinking you were seeing Lucas again. We're gonna have to change your medication. As long as you're hallucinating, it's not working."

Eliott's stumped. 

''What? I'm not hallucinating, Lucas is real. Lucille saw him, she met Lucas. They talked to each other."

The doctor puts his hands flat on his desk and looks serious.

''She just told me she found you in the stairwell and that you were talking to yourself, Eliott. There never was a Lucas. He's only in your head."

Eliott shakes his head. No. She couldn't have done that. He feels his breathing accelerating and forcing himself to calm down. He needs to show that he can control himself. The weight on his shoulders is back, and it looks like it's heavier than before. And Eliott knows that no matter what he says, no one will believe him.

''She's lying! She met him. She's lying because she knows that as soon as I get better, I'm gonna break up with her like I've wanted to for months. Did you even look for it? If a woman was admitted for attempted suicide the day after I got here and she has a son named Lucas?"

The psychiatrist looks up and then looks at him again.

''I can't give credence to your hallucinations, Eliott. I don't have time for this. Can you imagine if I went into research for all the insanity in my patients? This Lucas doesn't exist outside of your head, Eliott. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. We're going to change your meds and you're going to get better. We think you should join a focus group. It'll help you express yourself."

Eliott shakes his head.

''No way. I don't talk in front of a group, I'm not good with words. Let me join the art therapy group."

The doctor seems hesitant, then re-constructs the open file on his desk.

''Your parents say that your compulsive need to draw started at the same time as your manic episodes. We're afraid that encouraging you is not the best solution."

Eliott feels the anger building up inside of him and stands up.

''My parents don't know I started drawing three years ago. Only Lucille knows that. She's the one who told you. The same Lucille who's the only one who met Lucas and is lying to you, saying he doesn't exist. The same Lucille that I've been trying to leave for months and she blames it on my episodes every time. The same Lucille who's leaguing my parents against me. She's a manipulative bitch and you trust her completely. This is my life, I should be able to choose what I want to do with it."

The doctor stands up and Eliott knows it's just to try to impress him, but it doesn't work.

''Your parents say she's been very helpful for you. She was there when you first got sick and when you're well, you love her very much. A lot of our patients hate their partners when they have crisis."

"I'm not in a crisis!" Eliott yells. 

He sees the look in the doctor's eyes that says _Of course, it's obvious_ and Eliott forces himself to calm down.

''I'm sorry, but it's true. I'm not in a crisis and I'm not hallucinating. Please, just leave me something to draw with, that's all I ask."

The doctor signals him to sit back down, but Eliott doesn't do it.

''When you get better, Eliott. Maybe I will. But right now, you're too unstable."

Eliott already imagines spilling everything on the doctor's desk to vent his anger. But he can't do that. He can't let them win. So he nods his head and heads for the door. He opens it, but he sees Lucille right away and closes the door.

''Make her go away, please.''

The doctor comes up to him and puts his hand on his shoulder.

''She just wants to help you, Eliott.''

Ellott turns around and looks him in the eye.

''I want her to go away and I want her not to come back. Well, at least I can decide who comes to see me, right? I forbid her to come back and see me."

The doctor nods reluctantly and opens the door to go talk to Lucille. Eliott stays in the office, but he hears her screaming and tells the doctor that it's all nonsense, that she wants to be there for him and everything she does is just for his own good, and that he'll never get better if she's not with him. Eliott just wants to throw up.

The psychiatrist assures him that Eliott will change his mind soon, but that Eliott is certain he won't. Never.

Eliott spends the rest of the afternoon crying in his bed. When his parents arrive at 7:00 p.m., he tells them everything, but he sees right away that they don't believe him. He ends up getting angry at his father and a nurse comes to give him a shot to calm him down. 

The next day, Eliott announces that he also refuses the visit of his parents. He tries to be as calm as possible. To do whatever is asked of him. He just wants to be allowed to draw. He can't think of anything but Lucas, and he wants to draw him to remember his face. He has to draw him to remember that he exists. Because despite what the doctors say, he knows that Lucas exists and that he is not crazy.

He is given his new medication and after two days, Eliott feels the difference: he feels empty. He feels like an empty shell. He doesn't feel anything, he doesn't want anything anymore so he stays in bed staring at the wall. He sees no way out of this whole situation.

Sometimes he pinches his hand to remember that he exists. But he doesn't know how to go on living like that. He just needs to get out of this hellhole and he sees only one way. So after a few days, he gives up. He takes advantage of the nurses' shift change to go the fire escapes. He struggles his way up a few flights of stairs and then leans over the railing. All he has to do is jump and the whole nightmare will be over.

He wonders if he should go higher. He must be on the 4th or 5th floor. What if that's not enough and he ends up paralyzed but still alive? No, Eliott wants to make sure he's finished. So even though he's too tired to keep going up, he turns his head to look at how many floors are left up. 

And just like thaht, he could almost see him. He sees his unruly hair bending over the railing. His hand wiping his eyes incredibly blue as a soft smile appears on his lips. Eliott knows he's not there. He doesn't really see him. It's like a memory but it's enough to make him pull back.

He sits on the steps crying. He only stops crying when footsteps ring out on the stairs. Two nurses help him back to his feet and take him back to his room. Now the door is locked from the outside.

From then on, he no longer counts the days. He stays in bed, staring at the wall and refusing visitors. The nurses only come to warn him when he has appointments to go to. So he doesn't really know how long it's been since he last saw Lucas, but he can't think of anything but him.

The nurse warns him that today he won't have his usual psychiatrist because he is on holiday, but he will have his replacement. And frankly, Eliott doesn't care. She's going to read his file, he's going to look at it without talking because he's too tired for that and she's going to sign the prescription for his treatment which is going to make him even more tired. It's just an endless fucking spiral and Eliott will never get better. 

But no. The substitute looks at him with a sad look on her face.

''Eliott. The nurses say you're not doing anything. You don't even watch TV and you're still refusing visitors."

Eliott shrugs his shoulders in a slow motion.

''Tell me how I can help you. If you could do one thing, tell me what it would be. And don't tell me to get out of here."

Eliott makes a chuckle that surprises even him. He takes a gentle breath and opens his mouth. But it's a coughing fit that takes him by surprise. And then he realizes that he hasn't spoken for several days. Maybe even more than a week. He calms his breathing and notices that the psychiatrist is just waiting.

"Draw."

His voice is hoarse and his throat burns, but the delighted smile on the psychiatrist's face sends him a little hope. For once, Eliott doesn't want to draw animals even though he knows exactly which animal would be the one to represent Lucas. But now he wants to draw Lucas. He wants to draw his locks of hair that stand up on his head and trace the thin outline of his lips. But above all, he wants to use a multitude of different blues to try to find all the shades that are in Lucas' eyes. 

She gets up from her desk and signals him to follow her.

''We have a really good art therapy studio. Come on."

Eliott follows her quietly down the corridors and they stop in front of a large, bright room. Eliott could almost cry in front of all the equipment that stands in front of him. Brushes, pencils, charcoal, gouache, watercolour, chalk. It's just a paradise in the middle of this hell. 

''Eliott, this is Alex, he's the teacher of this class.'' She says softly, ''Alex, can I bring Eliott into your class to try it out? I'm gonna stay with him today to see, if you'd like to."

The man taking out the utensils nods with a big smile and the psychiatrist turns to Eliott.

''How does that sound? You draw or paint, you do what you want, and I'll watch you. Or we go back to my office and we have an hour to talk. You choose, Eliott."

Eliott nods his head and sits behind a desk. He grabs a charcoal pencil and starts drawing. Within five minutes, dozens of patients come into the room and settle in. 

Eliott doesn't even listen to what Alex says. He is already too busy drawing. He absolutely wants to have time to finish his drawing. But after ten minutes, he feels out of breath. The psychiatrist offers him a stool to sit down and Eliott thanks her, relieved. He was so afraid that she wouldn't let him finish. He had already started the same drawing 3 times in his room, on the back of the nurses' charts, when he managed to steal a pencil, but each time he was interrupted and his pencil was taken away, reminding him that the doctor forbade it because Eliott was becoming too intense with his drawings. 

After that, he no longer lifted his head from his drawing. He wonders if the doctor is taking notes on his behaviour, if she finds him too concentrated, too absorbed...too manic. But he doesn't raise his head to check.

Eliott is startled when she puts her hand on his shoulder.

''It's time, Eliott. I've got another patient. But I'm going to ask that you be allowed to come in here anytime you want. And I think you should come in as often as you can. I can see it's doing you good. This is the boy you're talking about, I suppose. Lucas?"

Eliott nods his head, tears in his eyes, and gets his drawing back. For a moment there, he thought that maybe that doctor would have believed him. But he has to remember that everyone here thinks he's crazy. He's about to leave when Alex calls him.

''Eliott, I'd like you to show me what you did before you leave. I like to see the progress of the work between sessions."

Eliott hesitates and looks at the doctor waving him off. He unfolds the paper to show it to Alex and the lady sitting next to him raises her head at the same time to take up more paint with her brush. She rips the paper out of Eliott's hands and Alex immediately puts his hand on her forearm.

''It's all right, Irene. It's just the Eliott's drawing."

And she looks at Eliott, frowning. 

''It's not just a drawing, it's my Lucas. How do you know my son?"

Eliott wants to scream, it's like there's an explosion in his head. He turns to the psychiatrist to make sure she heard it and with the shocked look on her face, he knows she did it. And she's getting closer to come to them. He finally sees the light at the end of the tunnel. We're finally gonna believe him. He knew it. He knew it all along. 

"He's real!"

And Eliott can feel all the tension leaving his body. He feels his forehead hitting something as he falls, but everything around him is already dark. 

And when he comes to, he panics. He's back in his bed. He gets up and staggers to the small table. There is no trace of his drawing. Is he living in a fucking nightmare? 

He goes to the psychiatrist's office but he has to stand on the walls because he has no strength left. Has he been given any medication to calm him down? Did he dream any of this? He touches his forehead and feels a huge bump. 

A nurse spots it and runs towards him. But he stumbles before she can get to him and everything around him goes black again.


	4. Find the exit

''Lucas, I'm a nurse on the ward where your mommy is. Don't worry, everything's okay, but your mommy would really like to see you. She says it's really important. The doctors agree. Come when you can, if you want."

Lucas listens to the voice mail again. It's a Thursday. He's supposed to have class all afternoon, he's even got two midterms in math and biology. He just can't just take off on a whim and go across Paris to see his mom because she woke up wanting to see him.

He hasn't seen her for more than three weeks and even if he wants to go see her, at the same time, he doesn't want to run to her as soon as she lets him. 

Why should he always be there for her when she wasn't there when he needed her? 

Lucas is shaking his head. He has no right to be so selfish. It's not his fault she's sick. He drops a few books in his locker and leaves school. He sends a message to Yann to tell him he's going home because he's ill. 

He takes the subway and then the bus to the hospital and goes to the nurses' office. Despite the message, he can't help but fear that his mother has finally changed her mind. But she hasn't. The nurse takes him to his room. And before he even sees her, he feels it. The whole room smells of his mother's perfume and it makes him smile immediately. 

He walks slowly into the room and his mother jumps on his neck as soon as she sees him. Then he hugs her and lets go of the air he's felt like he's been holding back for weeks.

''Mom."

And then she backs away and he realises she's just too excited. A lot more than she should be, a lot more than she normally should be.

''Do you know an Eliott who's in the hospital here, Lucas?''

Lucas looks at his mother and nods his head and bites his lower lip like when he was little and she found out his nonsense. He doesn't even know why he's doing it. But his mother seems surprised and even more excited.

''You've got to get to the second floor fast. You have to go to the nurses or the doctors and tell them you're the Lucas of Eliott."

 _The Lucas of Eliott_...hearing that from his mother gives him the creeps. He's certainly not the Lucas of Eliott, but if he's honest with himself, he knows he'd love to be. Lucas looks at his mother who's agitated but he doesn't understand.

''Calm down, mom. What's going on? And how do you know Eliott?''

She walks over to her desk and pulls out a piece of paper folded in half. Lucas opens it and stands there gawking. It's so much like a picture of him. His portrait is drawn in black pencil, and the only touch of color is the blue of his eyes. It's just beautiful.

''They think you're part of his hallucinations, Lucas. I don't know why and I don't know where you know him from, but if you really know him, you have to tell them he's not hallucinating. Poor guy looks like a zombie, he fainted when I recognized you from the drawing. I think he's in a really bad way. Since you never told me about him, the doctors concluded that maybe he just ran into you and made up his whole life. But If this is not the case, go ahead, Lucas. Don't let them destroy him. You have to help him because you're the only one who can."

Lucas kisses his mother and hugs her but she waves him off. He runs through the whole department. 

When he gets to the second floor, he runs into a nurse who scolded him on the spot. 

''I'm sorry. I was told to come here. I'm Lucas. I'm here for Eliott. He's not hallucinating, I'm real."

Until the day he dies, Lucas will never forget that nurse's face. He'd never seen so much surprise on anyone's face. And the surprise quickly turned to anxiety.

''Do you really know Eliott?''

''Yes. I met him right here on the fire escape. He told me the doctor thought I was a hallucination, but his girlfriend saw me. I thought it was settled. Where is he now? How is he?"

The nurse stands there gawking for what feels like an eternity, then grabs Lucas' arm and pulls him to a desk. She knocks and doesn't even wait for an answer to come in.

The doctor looks up and seems really surprised by this interruption, even though he has no patients in his office.

''It's Lucas, Doctor. He confirms what Eliott says."

And the doctor stands up and looks at Lucas.

''Did you really meet Eliott in the fire escape? Did you really comfort each other without knowing each other?"

Lucas confirms it before he gets mad.

''Why didn't you believe his girlfriend? I met her, she saw me."

The doctor rubs her head before looking away.

''I'm not his regular doctor. His psychiatrist thought it sounded so... so invented as an encounter. And then Lucille told him she found him on the fire escape talking to himself. She never mentioned you, she confirmed that he was hallucinating."

Lucas feels a rage coming over him and he doesn't even know where it's coming from.

''And his doctor chose to believe her instead? Why didn't he even bother to check my mother's admission?''

Lucas realizes it was obvious. It's one good girlfriend against a crazy man. Who'd have believed him. 

''I want to see him. Tell me where he is."

''He's refusing any visitors'' the doctor says calmly, looking at Lucas again.

''I hope you're kidding. I'll leave if he doesn't want to see me, but he should tell me. Tell me where he is."

The doctor seems hesitant again and then he sighs. 

''Room 206. But he is"

Lucas leaves the office without waiting for the doctor to finish talking and runs looking at the room numbers. He stops and takes a deep breath when he finds himself in front of 206. 

The door is locked from the outside so Lucas removes the lock. He knocks gently but gets no reaction so he tries harder. He knocks a third time then opens the door slowly.

And the vision breaks his heart. Eliott is lying on the bed, staring at the wall. And clearly, he's not looking at anything, his eyes are completely blurry. He has huge dark circles under his eyes and seems totally absent. 

Lucas slowly moves closer and puts his hand on his shoulder. 

''Eliott?''

Eliott does not react then Lucas puts his hand on his and pinches it slightly.

''Eliott?''

Eliott turns his head and starts to cry. Lucas takes him in his arms and pulls him towards himself, trying not to cry too.

''I'm sorry, Eliott. I saw your doctor. She explained to me that Lucille lied. I'm really sorry. But it's over now. It's all going to be over. I'm here."

Lucas feels Eliott's arms around him, and he hugs him a little tighter in return. 

"I.

Eliott's voice is more hoarse than the other times and it hurts Lucas to hear him like that. It's like he's broken from the inside out, exactly like he told him the last time they saw each other.

''I want to help you, tell me what to do, Eliott. Tell me what you need. I should have stayed the last time, I'm really sorry."

Eliott gently pushes Lucas away so he can look at him and Lucas feels like it takes a superhuman effort. 

He looks Lucas in the eye and puts his hand on his.

''Get me out of here.''

Lucas doesn't even hesitate. He doesn't think either. He pulls out his phone and calls Mika, who answers immediately. 

''A car will be here in 10 minutes. We gotta get out of here."

Eliott seems suddenly relieved. His features are more relaxed. Lucas takes off his hoodie and helps Eliott put it on. At least he'll be able to hide a little with the hoodie on. He opens the closet to get some clothes, but the closet is empty, so he turns to Eliott.

''Eliott? I'm ready when you are.''

Eliott closes his eyes, nods his head and gets out of bed. Lucas immediately comes over to support him. He puts the hood over his head and slowly opens the bedroom door.

He closes it immediately. There are too many people. He needs to think about it and come up with an idea. Yann loves spy films, he's made Lucas watch lots of them. For every problem, there's a solution. Lucas thinks and then detaches himself from Eliott, making sure he stands alone and gets up on the bed. 

He takes his lighter out of his pocket and shakes it under the smoke detectors. But nothing happens. Decidedly, wanting to do it like in a movie is really shit. 

Eliott moves painfully to the end of the bed and picks up the nurses' block and hands it to Lucas. The papers light up immediately and the fire alarm goes off.

Lucas jumps out of bed and opens the door. He grabs Eliott's arm and they walk slowly with their heads down. Everyone runs down the corridor and they reach the fire escapes unhindered. As soon as the stairwell door closes, Lucas feels free to breathe again.

They carefully go down the stairs and Lucas sees that Eliott draws on all his strength to move forward as fast as possible. The fire alarm stops and Lucas pushes the ground floor door with a deep breath. They cross the entrance hall and Lucas can almost imagine himself going through the swing doors when a hand rests on his shoulder.

''Hey, kid, you okay? Your friend doesn't look good."

Lucas turns around and looks at the security guy watching Eliott. Luckily, with his sweatpants and Lucas' sweater, there's no sign he just escaped from his room. And that's when Lucas notices the ID bracelet around Eliott's wrist. He puts his hand on it, circling it, hoping the guy doesn't notice it.

The guy opens his mouth but at the same time Lucas sees his mother walking towards them. She taps the security guy's shoulder and looks around. 

''I can't find my room. I was scared of the fire and now I don't know how to get back to my department. I don't even know what floor I'm supposed to go to. Help me, it's too crowded in here. I'm so scared."

And she throws herself in the arms of the guy who puts his hands on his shoulders and she winks at Lucas, ordering a silent "go away" from his lips. 

''I was so scared. I thought we were all gonna burn to death."

''Don't worry ma'am, it was a false alarm. Come with me, we'll take you back to your room."

Lucas slowly backs away before he turns around and walks through the hospital doors, supporting Eliott as much as he can. He turns around just to see the security guard talking to a nurse, his mother smiling between the two of them. It's totally crazy, it's like his mother knows what he's going to do before he even does it. But maybe that's just maternal instinct after all or maybe his mother just knows him really well. 

Lucas almost pushes Eliott into the car and asks Mika to start the car. It's awful to feel like you're doing something right but to know it's wrong to do it. And that's exactly how he feels right now. 

''Your mother is extraordinary. I love you both so much. You're my guardian angels."

Lucas looks at Eliott who closes his eyes. He doesn't know if he's sleeping or if he's fainted, but his features are finally relaxed. Lucas can't help but look out the back window as the hospital shrinks as they walk away.

''Kitten? Why do I get the horrible feeling you just helped this boy illegally leave the hospital? Please don't tell me that's what's going on."

Lucas looks down in shame and sees Eliott asleep on his shoulder. Mika has been so nice from the beginning. He offered him to live on the roommate's couch for free, he helped him a lot by spending long evenings chatting. And Lucas thanks him by making him an accessory to kidnapping. 

And that's when Lucas started thinking about the consequences of his actions. It's clear that the hospital will soon make the connection with him. Will they send the police to arrest him and take Eliott back? Can he be charged with endangering someone else's life? Kidnapping? What if Eliott's parents sue him? He doesn't even know if he's over 18 or not. In fact, he realizes he doesn't know anything about him.

His breathing starts to quicken as he realizes what he just did. He looks at Eliott again, asleep against him, and he sighs. What else could he do? Should he let Eliott be drugged with meds? Should he leave him where no one believes him? No. Even knowing what he's risking, he knows he made the right choice. In fact, he didn't make a choice, he just helped Eliott make the right choice. And at least he knows his mother supports him.

He's taking Eliott's hand in his own to give himself courage. He doesn't know why he did it, but he knows he did exactly what he had to do, no matter what happens.

''I'm sorry. Drop us off wherever you want. We'll manage."

Mika looks in the rearview mirror and raises his eyebrows.

''Do you really think I'm going to abandon you, kitten? We'll go at home and you can tell me all about it."


	5. Find what you want

For the first time in a long time, when Eliott opens his eyes, he doesn't panic. And yet, he is in a completely unknown place, he has no memory of how he got here and screams can be heard from another room. But even though all this should make him panic, Eliott feels safe. 

He straightens up with a grimace. He feels like he's been run over by a truck. His mouth is really dry, but he notices a drink waiting for him on the living room table. He drinks it directly as he looks around. He is clearly in the living room of an apartment. He is immediately attracted by the pictures stuck on the wall. There are several pictures of a guy, a few pictures of a couple, and a girl pouting in almost every picture, as if she were constantly disturbed. And there's a picture of Lucas, surrounded by the two girls and the guy, smiling on this couch. Eliott gets up to look for the kitchen to get some water.

But he stops in the hallway because the screams that had stopped start again. 

''Do you realize what a medical error you've made? You treated a patient for hallucinations that he didn't have. You left him at the mercy of a manipulative woman while he begged you to help him. You totally screwed him over with your meds. He won't come back unless he asks for it. He's a human being. He's perfectly capable of making his own choices. I'm not holding him back in any way, but I won't force him to come back."

Eliott comes into the kitchen and Lucas jumps up and smiles at him. Then he resumes his serious air, returning to the conversation. 

''I don't care if it wasn't you directly, you can tell that to his psychiatrist when he gets back from vacation. Meanwhile, while he's having a good time, Eliott is suffering from poor judgment. No. Yes. He's right next to me. Ok. I'll put him on."

Lucas hands him the phone and Eliott reluctantly takes it. He just wants to be left alone. 

"Yeah?"

He's listening to the doctor say she's sorry. That this kind of situation never happened before. That if Eliott's parents hadn't given Lucille so much credit, his doctor wouldn't have done it either. And she insists that Eliott needs to come back and find a suitable treatment. 

''No. I want to be followed, but outdoors. And by you, by no one else. All right. Tomorrow 2:15pm, I'll be there. I'm going to find. Ok.''

Eliott gives the phone back to Lucas and sits around the kitchen table while Lucas listens to the doctor.

''Last thing'' concludes Lucas in a deep voice ''If you give his parents any information about me, I'll make a media circus out of it. He'll contact them when he decides to do so. Do we have a deal?''

Lucas puts his phone on the table and sighs, but he's smiling. Apparently he got what he wanted. He sits in the chair in front of Eliott and they look at each other silently.

''So...'' finally says Lucas.

''So...''

Lucas smiles and that makes Eliott smile back. 

''Do you want to eat? You want something to drink? Tell me what would make you fine.''

So, Eliott thinks. He's not exactly used to being asked. At home, it was more like, _Eliott, you haven't eaten anything in three days, you have to!_ or _Come on, Elliot, you have to drink even if you're not thirsty._

"Thank you."

Lucas looks surprised, but smiles and puts his hand on Eliott's. 

''You're welcome. I'm glad I could help."

And Eliott looks down at their hands touching.

''Why are you doing this?"

Lucas bursts out laughing and Eliott jumps. 

''Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. I honestly don't know. We've seen each other, like, twice in a stairwell and I'm helping you escape from a mental hospital, it just doesn't make any sense. And honestly, I don't have a reason. I just couldn't leave you there without helping you."

Eliott looks at him again and smiles slightly. 

''Thank you. Really."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he takes his hand away from Eliott's.

''I don't know, Eliott. It's kind of my fault for doing all this shit, though. If you hadn't told them about me, the doctors never would've thought you were hallucinating. I'm really sorry about that."

They just sit there for a while and don't say anything. But silence isn't even unpleasant. Lucas ends up taking the glass that Eliott put in front of him and fills it before giving it back to him. 

''Just tell me what I can do to help you.''

Eliott drinks a little water and sighs.

''I should go.''

Lucas shakes his head and rests his hand on Eliott's. 

''Where do you wanna go? You can stay here, everybody agrees. I'm sorry I can't offer you anything better, but the couch isn't so bad. But if you want to leave, you're free. I can drive you to some friends' houses if you want. I mean, No, I'm not driving, but Mika can when he gets home from work."

Eliott seems to be completely lost in thought.

''I don't know. I... I... I just don't want to think about anything."

Lucas gets up and signals to Eliott to follow him. They go back into the living room, and Lucas takes his computer off the table and sits on the couch.

"What's your favorite movie? When I'm not feeling well, I watch my favorite show so I don't think about anything."

Eliott sits on the couch and wraps the duvet around him. He loves to do that. He loves to make a cocoon out of the duvet. That way, he always feels like he's totally protected from the outside world.

''And what's your favourite show?''

Lucas smiles and raises his eyebrows like it's an unmentionable secret and makes Eliott smile.

''Today we're talking about you. What do you wanna see?"

Eliott seems hesitant, then looks at Lucas and smiles.

''The kid, you know? With Chaplin."

Lucas shakes his head, but less than five minutes later, the credits begin and Eliott puts his head on Lucas' shoulder. 

"Thank you."

Eliott senses he's asleep before halfway through, but he doesn't even try to stay awake.

When he wakes up, a hand plays with his hair and Eliott wonders if Lucas does it consciously or not. He thanks inside the nurse who forced him to wash his hair the night before, otherwise it would be really embarrassing, and he stays a few minutes without moving, just enjoying the contact. When he raises his head slightly towards him, Lucas immediately takes his hand out of Eliott's hair. 

And Eliott smiles. Because Lucas was clearly awake and now he seems really embarrassed. His rosy cheeks make him look even more beautiful.

''Sorry.''

Eliott gently takes Lucas' hand and rests it on his head before closing his eyes again. And Lucas starts playing with his hair again. If he could do that, Eliott is sure he would purr. 

When he wakes up the next time, he's alone. He touches the cushion next to his own. Would Lucas have slept with him? His eyes fall on the clock hanging on the wall. It's 11:30. Eliott sits down and immediately notices the folded sheet of paper, placed on the coffee table where his name is written. He grabs it nervously and sits down before unfolding it.

_I'm sorry I had to leave you, I couldn't miss class this morning. Mika, my roommate's here, call him if you need anything. There's a plate waiting in the fridge if you're hungry. I put a change of clothes on the chair and towels for a shower if you want. Make yourself at home. But please don't leave while I'm gone. I'll be here at 12:00._

Eliott's looking at the time again. 11H35. He gets up and grabs the stuff off the chair. He comes out of the living room and finds himself in a hallway. A post-it is stuck on each door and Eliott is sure that Lucas did it for him. And that's when he realizes that none of the rooms are in Lucas' name. So he understands why Lucas slept with him and he feels like a fucking burden. Lucas seems to have enough problems in his life without him bringing him more. He goes into the bathroom and decides to take a hot shower hoping it will wash away his worries. But no shower, no matter how hot, has that power. 

At noon, he just finishes folding up the couch when the roommate's door opens, but it's a brown girl who comes in smiling. Eliott recognizes her as the smiling girl in the pictures in the living room, but he can't help but be disappointed.

''Hi, Eliott, I'm Manon. Are you okay?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders. He never quite knows what to say to that.

''I live here and I go to high school with Lucas. He has to stay at school this afternoon to make up for the exams he missed yesterday. He said to tell you he'll be here at 5:00pm, and he said to give you this in the meantime."

Manon hands him a bag with a smile on her face.

''Do you want to eat? I'm starving. I'll wake Mika and the three of us will eat, how about that?"

And Eliott shrugs his shoulders again in response. He's not really hungry, actually. Manon seems really nice, but she's so full of energy, Eliott's tired just from watching her fuss.

''Thank you. Has Lucas lived here long?"

Manon seems surprised to finally hear Eliott's voice, but she smiles.

''No, not really. He had nowhere else to go, so he's been living here for almost two weeks. The couch isn't so bad, fortunately. Besides, we have room for four. For five now. Mika and I are glad you're here too. My cousin Lisa is a little special, but she doesn't mind."

Eliott nods in thanks and Manon will knock on Mika's bedroom door. Eliott opens the bag Manon gave him, and he feels the tears coming up. He sits on the floor and spills the contents of the bag on the living room table. There are sheets of paper of different sizes and weights, different pencils, charcoals and sanguines of different sizes. There is a small paper folded in 4 with the same handwriting as this morning's and the post-its in the hallway.

_I don't know anything about drawing so I "borrowed" what I could from one of the art rooms at the school. You may not want to draw, but if you do, I hope it's okay. I'm sorry I can't get home early. I'll see you tonight._

Eliott smiles as he reads those last words. It gives him as much pleasure to read that Lucas plans to meet him tonight as it does to see all the drawing material that he wanted to give him. But how can someone he has just met know him so well?

He organizes the pencils by style and then takes a sheet of paper and starts drawing. He knows exactly what he wants to draw. Manon comes and puts a plate next to him but she doesn't even look at what he's doing. 

Mika comes and sits on the sofa and watches TV and comments it out loud while Eliott continues to draw. Eliott ends up raising his head to look at the time and he intercepts Mika's gaze on him.

''Eliott, if you wanna talk, I'm ready to listen. If you need anything, just let me know. Don't worry, everybody here is here to help you."

That sentence brings Eliott back to the hospital, that's what the nurses used to say to him all the time. But now, for once, he actually believes it. And when he sees the warm smile on Mika's face, he can't help but believe it. He really feels safe here, and it hurts him even more because he knows he can't stay. He shouldn't be here already, he shouldn't be imposing himself on Lucas' life and cause him even more problems. 

''Thank you, Mika. Thank you for everything."

Mika's got a big smile on his face.

''It's nothing. But just so you know, if you wanna do my nude to thank me, I'm totally open."

Eliott chuckles and shakes his head. He's sure Lucas would roll his eyes at the sound of that. He surprises himself counting the hours until Lucas comes back.... More than 3 hours... That's about the time it will take him to decide if he should leave as soon as Lucas comes back or not. But it is already sure that Lucas won't let him leave like that and if he looks at him with his hypnotic eyes, Eliott will never be able to leave. Maybe he should leave now, before Lucas gets back. But at the same time, he doesn't want to leave without saying thank you. But he doesn't want to impose and Lucas has already risked too much for him. He could leave him a thank-you note and maybe they could meet up again in a few weeks when they're both better...or maybe... 

''Okay, Eliott. You're thinking too hard. I feel like I can hear your thoughts more than I can hear them on TV. Come on, I'll get naked and you draw me, all right? Maybe you could do me in a posture like the Greek gods."

Eliott giggles again, especially as Mika starts to unbutton his shirt.

"I don't do nudes."

Mika shrugs his shoulders and lets go of his shirt, sighs.

''Never mind. But stop racking your brain and come watch this shit with me. This show's only funny if you have someone to comment on it with."

Eliott knows he's gonna have to make up his mind before Lucas comes home and this is the hardest choice he's ever had to make. 

"So, Eliott, what do you decide?"


	6. Find together

When Lucas pushes the door of the apartment, he's downright anxious. He couldn't help but imagine that maybe Eliott left while he was in high school. And the principal forcing him to catch up on tests he should have taken yesterday afternoon didn't help his stress at all. 

He hears the TV is on, so he goes into the living room without taking off his shoes or his coat. But only Mika is watching a show. The couch is folded up and there are no things lying around. 

"You let him go?"

Lucas can feel the tears coming up in his eyes, and he doesn't even know why he's so attached to Eliott. But finding out he left while he was gone is the worst thing that could have happened today. And yet, he was expecting it. Right now, he really feels like everyone's running away from him. Everyone he loves is running away from him and he really doesn't know what to think about it.

''Lucas, he''

''I'm sorry, Mika, I know he could do whatever he wanted. I'm just..."

He doesn't even really know how he feels. A hand goes on his shoulder and he jumps up and down. He turns around to find Eliott standing right behind him smiling at him.

''Actually Manon give you her room'' explains Mika ''anyway she has already left for Emma's house. She'll be back late so she'll take the couch. No need to argue, she said she wouldn't let it be otherwise and if she finds you asleep on the couch when she gets home, she'll kick your ass.''

Lucas immediately recovers his smile when he looks at Eliott. He takes off his coat and shoes and hangs them up in the hall before putting his school bag in Manon's room. Eliott follows him and sits down on the bed, folding his legs under him. Lucas sits in front of Eliott, folding his legs under him too.

''So? How are you doing? What do you wanna do?"

And Eliott shrugs his shoulders and throws his head back.

''I think you're the one who's been asking me the most questions about what I want to do.'' He stands up to look at Lucas again. "Thanks for the supplies, I really appreciate it. It felt good to draw. It's on the desk, you can look at it if you want."

Lucas gets up and walks back to the desk to gently pick up the paper off the desk. At the top left is a raccoon and a hedgehog crying as they hold hands on the stairs. Then there is a hedgehog hugging the raccoon. On the next page, the two animals are sitting next to each other watching TV. There is a raccoon sleeping in the hedgehog's arms. And then in the bottom right corner of the paper, there's a raccoon drawing, thinking of the hedgehog, and on the paper it says _Thank you._

''Do you realize that if a raccoon tried to sleep in the arms of a hedgehog, he'd get stung?''

Lucas doesn't miss Eliott's not-really-angry look, and it makes Lucas smile because clearly Eliott knows he's kidding.

''I'm laughing. That's really beautiful. Why a raccoon and a hedgehog?"

Eliott puts his back against the headboard and smiles.

''I love raccoons, they've been my spirit animal for years. I think they look so cool in their masks."

Lucas looks at the picture again, and then Eliott.

''And you? Are you wearing a mask? To hide from people?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders reflectively.

''Maybe. Or maybe I just wish I could do it to protect myself from other people and they'd leave me alone. Maybe I should have drawn a cloak of invisibility."

Lucas is nodding his head like he understands. 

''And just like that, I'm a hedgehog?''

Eliott smiles and nods.

"Why?"

And Eliott chuckles and looks at Lucas as if to verify that it's a real question. And he shakes his head gently, as if it's obvious. He leans over and runs his hand through Lucas' hair to fix it in the air and that makes Lucas laugh and look falsely offended.

''Hey! My hair is super soft, how dare you compare it to spines.''

''Yeah,'' confirms Eliott ''that's why I drew a baby hedgehog. Oh, yeah, and because you're a minor, baby."

Eliott utters that last word as if it's an insult and Lucas laughs at how teasingly Eliott sounds when he says it.

''I'm definitely not a baby, but I love your drawings. Thank you so much, Eliott."

Eliott rests his back against the headboard again, looking serious.

''I have to thank you, Lucas. You're in the middle of a big mess, and I'm in your way. You don't need an extra ankle bracelet."

''What makes you think I'm in a big mess?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and looks around, as if it's obvious.

"Because I'm living on the roommate's couch?"

And Eliott nods and Lucas sighs.

''Yeah. It's a little difficult since my mom's been in the hospital. The landlord asked me to move out, I couldn't pay him anyway and we were already two months late. I slept in high school at first. I was going to sleep at my best friend's place but I got angry with him and I met Mika. He offered me to live here. You'll see, Mika is exuberant and Lisa is totally absent but we're fine here. And Manon's cooking is just delicious."

Eliott puts his head down and looks at his hands.

''I'm not gonna stay, Lucas. I should have left but I didn't want to leave without saying thank you. I had a lot of second thoughts, but you deserved to see me say goodbye face to face. So really, thank you for everything you did. But I have to go, you've already done too much for me and you really don't need to complicate your life with my problems."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and looks up.

''First of all, don't make any decisions for me. If I didn't want you here, you wouldn't be here. You're certainly not a burden, and I'd be really happy if you stayed. And where do you plan to go? Because you know I'm not forcing you to stay, but if you don't have a better plan than this, don't try to leave. We can share this bed with no problem and be miserable companions. We're pretty good at being sad together."

Eliott seems to hesitate while Lucas finds himself in what Lucas sees as an endless minute. But when Eliott finally smiles, Lucas knows he's not going anywhere. And Eliott nods his head as if to confirm what Lucas already knows.

''You didn't tell me what you look at when you're sad,'' Eliott finally says.

Lucas giggles, grabs his computer and sits down next to Eliot. 

''Okay. I'll show you, but first we have to get into conditions."

Lucas almost jumps out of bed to leave the room and comes back five minutes later with a tray. There's two hot chocolates, four slices of bread with cocoa butter and marshmallows.

He puts the tray on the bed and Eliott starts giggling.

''Are you really having a kid's snack, Lucas? How old are you?"

Lucas looks at him shamelessly in his face, like it's perfectly normal for a teenager to make a kid snack after the school.

''Yeah, I told you we need to get in shape, so this is a must. And I'm 16, by the way. How about you?"

Eliott takes the hot chocolate Lucas hands him and takes a sip.

''18.''

Lucas hands him a slice of bread and then takes his computer in his lap.

''Okay. Cool. So now we just shut up. No judging. No one knows I'm watching this, and if I find out you leaked my secret, I'll have to kill you. Really. And after all we've been through, wouldn't that be a shame?"

Lucas puts the computer between the two of them and smiles. There's nothing like that cartoon to cheer him up.

''Noddy? Seriously? Do you still watch Noddy when you're 16?"

Lucas gives him a black stare while he chews his marshmallow.

''I said no judging. You asked me what I look at when I'm depressed, and here's the answer. Come on, shh, I love this episode.''

Midway through the second episode, Lucas puts the tray on the floor so he can stretch his legs. Eliott may have made fun of his childish snack, but he ate it all, and Lucas takes it as a small victory. He turns to look at it and Eliott smiles while looking at the screen. He has a chocolate moustache on his lip and Lucas already imagines himself taking it off and kissing him. 

Except he shouldn't think like that. Okay, he's gay. Every night talking to Mika has given him a chance to take stock of how he feels and accept himself, even if he's not ready to tell his mates yet. But that's not the point. He can't do that to Eliott. He's turned his life upside down enough so far. And besides, Eliott's clearly straight, considering he's been dating a girl for a long time. And he can't take a chance and ruin the friendship that's forming between them. And he clearly doesn't want Eliott to think he's being nice to him just to go out with him. Or even worse, he doesn't want Eliott to feel like he owes him anything and agree to be with him just because of that. Or even worse, what if Eliott gets scared and leaves, or

''Lucas? Are you okay?"

Lucas blinks. Eliott looks at him and seems slightly worried.

''You seemed to be caught in your own thoughts. Are you okay?"

Lucas runs his hand through his hair nervously.

''Yeah, sorry. I do that sometimes."

Lucas turns to the screen, but he can see that Eliott's still looking at him before he does the same thing. At the end of the third episode, Eliott sleeps on his shoulder. 

Lucas ends up turning off the computer and lays Eliott down before lying down next to him. He will just close his eyes for a few minutes. Eliott grabs Lucas' arm and puts it around his waist. Lucas understands the message and spoons Eliott while keeping his eyes closed. He hears a small sigh of satisfaction and wonders if it comes from Eliott or from himself. Maybe both. 

Lucas wakes up when his phone starts ringing. He rolls onto his back, takes it out of his pocket and mutes the sound. He doesn't want to talk to Yann. He reads the dozens of notifications from his friends who ask him to come to a party. 

''You can go, if you want to.''

Lucas slowly turns his head to see Eliott, lying on his back next to him, staring at his phone. Normally, with anyone else, Lucas would hate that. But right now,he doesn't really mind.

''No, it's okay.''

And Eliott turns to look at him, smiling slightly.

''I don't mind, Lucas. Your friends seem to really want you to go out with them. I don't want to mess up your life any more than it already is. You should just pretend I'm not here."

''I am.'' Lucas confirms by quickly typing a message to his friends that he has a headache and is already in bed. 

He puts his phone away and turns to stare at the ceiling and sees out of the corner of his eye that Eliott is doing the same thing. 

''No, but really,'' continues Eliott. ''What would you do tonight if I wasn't here? What do you usually do on Friday night? I just want to know more about you."

Lucas is staring at a crack in the ceiling, reflecting. He feels so good, just lying there next to Eliott as they both look up at the ceiling. He feels like he could tell him anything.

"Do you want the official story or the truth?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

"I'll take the version you give me, Lucas."

That makes Lucas smile.

''Okay. So I got three great friends : Yann, Basile and Arthur. Every Friday, they have a party. We go, smoke, drink and spend the evening talking about girls to sleep with. That's the official version. The truth is, I hate it. I like being with my friends, but I feel like they don't know me anymore. They don't even know I live here or that my mom's in the hospital. I didn't want to bother them with my problems or have them look at me with pity so I pretend everything is fine. But I can't stand pretending about so many things anymore. Because the truth is, I don't want to sleep with girls because I'm gay. So you see, I'm confirming that I have no desire to go out with them tonight. I'm just tired of pretending. Sometimes I wish I could just be myself. And then I remember I don't even really know who I am."

Silence pervades the room and Lucas wonders if Eliott has fallen asleep. It's the first time he's actually told anyone he's gay, and he falls asleep in the middle of it. Lucas sighs and then starts laughing nervously.

''Did you think I was asleep?'' Eliott asks calmly. 

Lucas immediately calms down and whispers a "yeah."

''No, no, I was listening, Lucas. It makes me think too. Thanks for the full version. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but I think if your friends are good friends, you should tell them everything. I had a best friend, but I never told him about my attraction to boys. And one night when we were hanging out at his house, I tried to kiss him. Ok, I was in a really bad way and he doesn't know I'm bipolar so he reacted pretty badly. Afterwards, he tried to get in touch with me but I was too ashamed to talk to him again. But frankly, I miss him."

Lucas sighs.

''Yeah, I know you're right. I really want to stop lying to them, but it's still scary when you give so much away in front of someone you care about and you don't know if they'll accept you."

Eliott chuckles and Lucas turns his head to look at him.

''Yeah,'' says Eliott, ''that's why it's easier to talk to a stranger on a fire escape."

Lucas shakes his head and kicks him in the ankles, so Eliott turns slightly to look at him.

''I don't think of you as a stranger, Eliott. Okay, we don't know a lot about each other yet, but we will. There's plenty of time for that, right? You said Lucille couldn't stand your music? What are you listening to? Let me hear it."

''I'm not sure you like it, either. '' says Eliott.

''Let me see for myself.'' 

Eliott takes the phone Lucas hands him and plays his favorite song.

''Dubstep? Oh, man, I never would have guessed. Who's listening to this?" Lucas laughs. "How did you fall in?"

Eliott puts his phone on the bedside table, laughing.

''I was looking for the worst music to piss off my parents. And then finally I got hooked. I find it so restful. When I listen to this kind of music, I can't hear the thoughts in my head and it helps me relax.''

''I understand. It's clear that when you listen to this, you're not thinking about anything else. Thanks for sharing that with me, it's weird, but it's cool."

Lucas is staring at the ceiling again and they're both just lying there, listening to dubstep. Eliott's hand comes to touch his and Lucas intertwines their fingers and smiles.   
  
''My last name is Lallemant. I am an only child. I'm good at school except for biology, so I'm studying with a friend. And thanks to her, I have a good grade point average everywhere. I hate sports unless it's on video games.''

He gives Eliott a little nudge and tells him it's his turn and Eliott giggles. 

''Okay. My last name is Demaury, and I'm also an only child. I'm going to repeat the year because clearly I missed half the classes this year and I don't think I'm going to make it to finals exams. I want to go to art school because I feel good when I draw and I love draw. I've always wanted to adopt a snake, but my parents never wanted me to."

Lucas stands up, like he's trying to see if Eliott's joking, but no, he's serious.

''Mika won't let you get a snake.'' Lucas laughs. 

''Tell me something I don't already know.'' Eliott laughs.

Lucas hesitates. Eliott's thumb gently strokes his hand and he closes his eyes, concentrating on the delicious feeling.

''I play piano'' finally says Lucas ''even my friends don't know it, but I used to love to play. Sometimes I feel like it was in another life."

"I'd love to hear you play sometime, if you want."

Lucas is imagining the scene. He hasn't touched a piano since his father left. His father taught him to play and he hasn't felt like playing since he left. It made him feel like he valued his father. But maybe playing for Eliott would appeal to him and he's really happy that Eliott imagines them staying together long enough to see Lucas play. 

"Maybe."

Eliott shakes his hand gently, like a silent thank you. And for the first Friday night in a long time, Lucas feels like he's exactly where he belongs.


	7. Finding boldness

Eliott doesn't even remember falling asleep. But when he opens his eyes, it's dark. He feels crushed but he doesn't want to move. Lucas' head is completely on his chest. Lucas' arm is around his waist and one of his legs is completely above Eliott's. It's as if Lucas is clinging to him. And waking up like that, it's a wonderful feeling. 

Eliott knows that he shouldn't spoil their budding friendship with his cravings for more and that he should wait until he's really feeling better before starting a new story. But when he looks at Lucas like that, he can't help but imagine himself kissing him. And he can't help but hope that the fact that Lucas is sleeping like that may be a reflection of how he feels too. Maybe that's what love at first sight is all about? Or soul mates? Eliott never believed it, but watching Lucas sleep on him with his mouth slightly ajar, he might want to believe it.

Eliott holds Lucas a little closer to him and he hears a slight sigh of satisfaction. This is enough for him to close his eyes and go back to sleep peacefully. 

When he opens his eyes the next time, Lucas hasn't moved. Eliott moves slowly, letting Lucas fall back on the mattress and gets up. He gets dressed without making a sound, grabs his backpack and gently opens the bedroom door before sneaking outside. No one is up in the flate, so he takes the keys behind the door and closes it gently.

Eliott walks until he finds the bakery. He's quite happy to have hidden some money in the strap of his backpack. He only has a hundred euros, but it's more than enough to bring breakfast to the roommates and for now it's enough to make him happy. He chuckles at the irony of the situation : when he put the money there, it was to buy some weed to be able to take off and pretend to be well, and finally, he's super happy just by buying simple croissants.

When he gets back to his flate, Mika and Manon are in the kitchen. Eliott puts the croissants in the middle of the table, provoking a huge smile on Mika's face.

''Oh, my God, croissants! Thank you, Eliott. You didn't have to do that, but thank you very much. It's my guilty pleasure. I knew I was gonna love being your roommate."

Eliott's waving him off. A brunette with long hair that covers half her face walks into the kitchen rubbing her eyes and staring at him from head to toe.

''Do we have a new one? Again? Mika, if you bring in all the losers you find in gay bars, we'll soon have more room in here. Oh, croissants. Forget I said that. I like that one. Okay, we'll keep it. But I'm warning you Mika, this is the last one. The flate's all booked up."

"Eliott" says softly Manon, "This is my cousin, Lisa. Lisa, it's Eliott, we told you about him yesterday."

But Lisa has already gone out into the hallway with two croissants.

"Would you like some coffee, Eliott?''

Eliott nods before looking at the time.

"Yes, with honey if you have. I'll see if Lucas is awake."

But just as he's about to reach the bedroom doorknob, the door suddenly opens. Lucas looks at him, visibly stunned, before throwing himself into his arms.

''I thought you were gone. I know I said you could leave any time, but I don't want to. Please don't ever leave like that again."

Eliott hugs Lucas back. 

''I went to buy croissants, Lucas. I wasn't planning on leaving. I would never leave like that. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Lucas looks up with a smile on his face, and all Eliott can see are his blue eyes. With his thumb, he wipes a tear from the corner of his eye before letting his thumb go down on Lucas' cheek. His eyes fall on the thin line of his lips and Lucas has to notice because he smiles more. And that's enough for Eliott to make him want more. 

So he leans gently towards Lucas, watching for every sign that would make him back off. But instead, Lucas tiptoes up to join him. When Lucas' lips touch his, there's no explosion. No fireworks, no secret of the universe finally revealed. No, it's so much better than that. When their lips touch, it's like they always have. Like there's nothing more normal than that. And it's just wonderful. Just by kissing Lucas for the first time, Eliott feels like he is at home. One of Lucas's hands slips up to the back of Eliott's neck to pull him towards it and he kisses him deeper, letting his tongue uncover Eliott's mouth.

''Do you want some breakfast?'' finally asks Lucas between kisses, ''I hear they have croissants.''

Eliott laughs in the kiss but shakes his head. He gently pushes Lucas into the room so he can close the door with his foot. Lucas falls on the bed and Eliott lies down on top of him and their kisses become much deeper. 

Lucas ends up separating them by shaking his head.

''I really want it, Eliott. I really want it but I don't think I'm good for you. I've already brought you so much trouble. I don't want to complicate your life with my problems."

So, Eliott lies down next to Lucas and gently strokes his cheek.

''I feel exactly the same way, Lucas. I shouldn't burden your life with my problems. Your problems will work themselves out eventually, but my disease will always be there. I'll still be bipolar, I'll still have episodes. Shit, I feel so selfish imposing myself on your life. I'm sorry, I never should have kissed you.''

Eliott starts to get out of bed but Lucas grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him towards him, clinging to him like a koala bear.

''I wasn't even thinking about that, Eliott. I don't even care. Okay, you're bipolar. But that doesn't define you. Damn it, let's stop trying to be heroes by trying to protect each other's of our problems and enjoy the good times.''

And then Eliott smiles big and then he puts a little kiss on Lucas' lips.

"You're right, Lucas. If we're good at being sad together, we should be good at being happy together, right?""

Lucas gets a huge smile before he hops on Eliott to kiss him.

"And I thought you weren't very good with words.''

A knock on the door before it opens.

''Kittens, we're waiting for you in the living room for some family counseling. But you can go on with whatever you were doing afterwards. I knew it was only a matter of time between the two of you.''

Eliott sees Lucas's cheeks turn red as he stands up. They join the girls and Mika in the living room. Two coffees and two croissants are waiting for them on the coffee table. Lucas takes a cup and makes a horrible face before putting it back.

"That was for Eliott," laughs Mika. "Honey coffee like you asked for."

Lucas makes another nasty grin as he turns to Eliott.

''Who puts honey in their coffee? Oh, my God, that's gross."

''Maybe I like the kinda amazing blends... like hedgehogs and raccoons."

Lucas shakes his head and smiles before he gets the other cup.

''OK guys, we'll have to talk organization'' says Manon ''I'll leave you my room. There are two of you, I'm all alone, and besides I sleep at Charles' or one of the girls' houses almost every weekend.''

''I totally agree,'' confirms Lisa ''I don't want to see you two fucking on the couch. It's bad enough I ran into Mika.''

Lucas shakes his head.

''No way. You're paying rent, Manon. We don't. I promise I'll help when I can, but I have to wait for my dad to give me a sign of life.''

Manon shakes her head back.

''My parents are paying. And they can afford it. Honestly, Lucas, who cares? I'll leave you the room. End of discussion. On the other hand, I think you should talk to Yann.''

Eliott sees Lucas cowering on the chair and grabs his hand to squeeze it gently.

''He came to Emma's yesterday. He's worried about you. He stopped by your place and found out you haven't lived there for two weeks. I didn't want to tell him you living here because it's not my place to tell him, but he's really worried. You should talk to him, Lucas.''

Lucas nods his head and pulls his phone out of his pocket. 

''Thank you, Manon. You're right, I'll talk to him.''

Eliott only realizes now that he doesn't have his phone. In fact, since he wasn't allowed any personal items in the hospital, he has nothing of his own. So he waits until they've finished breakfast and they're both back in ~~Manon's room t~~ heir new room.

''Lucas. I'm going to have to go home.''

Lucas' wounded look is almost immediate.

''Why? I swear, if this is because you regret what we did, we can stop. I just wanna make sure you're safe. I swear, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything, and''

Eliott kisses him to shut him up. It's petty, but it works.

''I have absolutely no regrets, and I didn't kiss you because I felt I owed you. I have to go to my parents' house to get my stuff back. Your clothes are great, but they're a little small. And I wish I had my phone. Maybe I'll even text you when you're in high school. Just to be able to do that, it's worth confronting my parents.''

Lucas' smile couldn't be any bigger. He looks at Eliott and laughs because it's true. His pants reach around Eliott's ankles and his sweater stops at his wrists.

"Do you want me to go in your place?"

Eliott kisses him back. Lucas is so cute. But to imagine him alone in front of his parents is just unthinkable.

''No. I have to do this. But I would love for you to come with me, though. It's gonna be totally weird. My dad's at work till noon, so I better get going this morning."

And unfortunately, Eliott hadn't planned on his dad not going to work. He's standing outside their apartment door and Eliott immediately regrets coming over.

''Oh, Eliott. The hospital said you were discharged and we were worried sick about you."

His father looks at Lucas with his hands entwined and frowns.

''What the''

''It's Lucas, Dad.'' Eliott cup him. ''And yes, he does exist. And he's my boyfriend. I'm here to pick up a few things, and I'm going to live with him for now. He trusts me, he listens to me and he doesn't think I'm crazy."

Eliott let go of Lucas' hand to get into the apartment. He just turns around to signal that he's OK before he goes in his room. He grabs a duffel bag that he fills with clothes, grabs his phone, charger and laptop and takes one last look at his room. She only reminds him of the long fights he's had here, with Lucille or his parents.

When he reaches the lobby, his mother cries while his father seems to be yelling at Lucas. Damn it, he should never have asked him to go with him in the first place.

''I'm sorry but you're wrong'' says Lucas, looking his father in the eye. ''Eliott isn't just bipolar, damn it. He's a comforting, funny, surprising boy. He's perfectly capable of taking care of himself. And anyway, I intend to look out for him. I know you think I'm just some arrogant, pretentious little prick who's just met him and knows nothing about what he's capable of during his episodes. And you're right. But I don't give a shit because I'd rather live with all that shit than let him out of my life."

Eliott kisses his mother's cheek and takes Lucas' hand in his.

''I know she totally manipulated you, and I want to forgive you for not believing in me. But I need time. Don't worry, Mom, I'm gonna be followed and I'm gonna be fine."

And he goes hand in hand with Lucas, his heart beating so fast he can only hear his heartbeat in his ears.

''Thank you, Lucas. When you're next to me, you give me the boldness to decide for myself. Without you, I'd probably be back at my parents' house, and probably with Lucille, too.''

Eliott's ashamed to say this, but it's the truth. Lucas shakes Eliott's hand a little harder and lifts it to his lips to kiss him.

''You're welcome but you're strong enough on your own, you just had to believe in yourself. I'm sure someday we'll laugh about that first meeting between me and your parents. Or we won't. In the meantime, you can help me out."

Eliott nods his head and puts his arm around Lucas' shoulders.

"Anything for you, babe."

Lucas stops walking and looks at Eliott with a half-amused, half-awed face.

"Babe?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and smiles and starts walking again, taking Lucas with him. Lucas rolls his eyes but says nothing and leads him to a park where he shows a silhouette waiting against a tree. 

''See that guy over there? It's Yann."

Eliott immediately removes his arm from Lucas' shoulders but Lucas grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers. Eliott doesn't miss the amazement on Yann's face but he wasn't expecting anything else. Apparently, Lucas decided to try the direct approach.

''Yann, this is Eliott, my boyfriend. Eliott, this is Yann, my best friend."

Yann looks at Lucas and then at Eliott and turns back to Lucas, still gawking. Then he seems to pull himself together and offers his hand to shake hands with Eliott, who accepts him back.

''Sorry. I'm just a little surprised. So... that was just the problem, bro?"

Eliott sees the smile on Lucas' face as he shakes his head.

''No. My mom was committed in a mental hospital because she was sick and the landlord asked me to leave because we were two months late and I'm gay. That was the problem."

Yann rests his back against the tree behind him. He looks even more stunned than when he met Eliott. You'd think he'd be crying by now.

''But why didn't you tell me, Lucas? What is all this crap? You could have come in my home. Unless you'd rather live with your boyfriend? How long have you been together? Why are you keeping all this from us? Did you think we'd turn our backs on you? Why do I feel like you're totally shutting me out of your life."

Eliott let go of Lucas' hand and step back a little bit. Lucas is closing in on Yann, who seems really hurt.

''I'm sorry, Yann. I didn't want you to look at me any differently. I didn't want to talk about my problems. I live at Manon's flate. Eliott has nothing to do with this and we've only really been dating since this morning, but yeah, he lives with us. It's all pretty complicated."

Yann nods his head and looks at Eliott as if he can judge with one look whether or not he's trustworthy.

''Why don't we go up to the flate and talk about it?'' Lucas suggests ''Let's settle down and I'll tell you everything from the beginning like I should have done weeks ago.''

Eliott looks at Yann and they nod at the same time.

''Okay. I'll ask Basile and Arthur to come, it's complicated enough to have to explain it three times in a row. I shouldn't have done this without the gang, so I might as well tell everyone from the beginning. I'm sorry Yann, I should have known you'd be my Bro no matter what happened in my life."

Eliott watches Yann take Lucas in his arms and smiles. As soon as they walk out the door, Eliott heads for the bedroom, but Lucas catches up with him in the hallway.

"What are you doing?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and points to Yann, who enters the living room, with his head.

''I'll let the four of you talk. Don't worry, I'm not gonna run out the window. I just want to give you some space with your friends."

Lucas looks up to the sky and takes Eliott's hand and pulls him towards it.

''I need you to help me tell the story, if you don't mind. We don't have to say you were in the hospital or how we met, but I'd like you to stand next to me while I talk to them. Just your presence, please. When you're next to me, you give me the boldness to be myself.''

Eliott nods with a smile before kissing him.

''Don't bother coming up with another story. You make me want to not be ashamed of who I am. I want something serious with you, Lucas.And if that's what you want, too, then they'll have to be there for you when I'm not feeling well. So if it's okay with you, we'll tell your friends all about it from the beginning, and we'll just hope they don't freak out."

Lucas pulls gently on Eliott's neck so he can kiss him.

''I want serious too, Eliott. And they won't be afraid."


	8. Find support

Lucas was convinced that his friends would not be afraid, but he could never have imagined Basile's reaction.

''Oh, my God, this is so cool.''

Lucas looks at his friend and he just wants to slap him.

''There's nothing cool about it, Baz. We're serious about this."

Basile takes a big smile and nods his head.

''Yeah. Don't worry, I know that one. My mum's bipolar. It's cool, cos for once I could actually help you out, Lulu. That's a subject I know a lot about, and for once I could really use it."

Lucas is eyeing Arthur and Yann, but they look as surprised as he is.

"Is your mother bipolar?"

Basile nods his head and keeps smiling.

''Yeah. That's the way it is. But that doesn't stop him from being a great mom. When she gets depressed, you deal with it. And when she's manic, we try to cut down on the breakage. And then a lot of the time we laugh about it. So is Kanye West and Robin Williams, Jean-Claude Vandamme, Sting, Amy Whinehouse and even Jim Carrey... in his case, maybe that explains some of the stuff."

Lucas gently takes Eliott's hand in his while Yann nods his head as if he's thinking.

''So you're actually saying that all the great action movies I've forced you to watch are the reason you came up with the right idea to get Eliott out of there? That's right, uh?"

Lucas looks up to the sky. Yann's winning face is enough to make him regret saying that.

"I guess so."

''So'' continued Yann, half-joking ''every time you complained about watching one of my favourite films, or made a lot of unpleasant comments... in fact you were educating yourself! So... what do you say to your favorite Bro?"

Lucas rolled his eyes and sighed.

''Thank you for my film culture, bro.''

Yann takes a big smile but turns his ear to Lucas and listens.

"And?"

Lucas sighs dramatically.

"I won't make any more nasty comments about your movie choices."

Yann shakes his head and sits on the couch.

''I'm glad that helped. Damn, I would've loved to have seen you pull the fire alarm!"

Arthur slaps his friends' thighs to get up and pretends to grab his coat.

''Okay. Thanks for this, Lulu. You shouldn't have gone through all this without us. Well, it doesn't make any difference to us, you know. I'm sad that you thought you had to hide the fact that you're gay from us. But at the same time, I don't see why gay people should have to come clean like they have something to confess. So finally, just showing up quietly with your boyfriend is good, too. Well, we'll leave you to it, I'm sure you want to do more than just spend your first day together with us."

Lucas opens his mouth to answer, but Eliott cuts him off.

''Actually, it's nice to meet you guys. Maybe we could play some video games. I haven't played them in a while, but it might be fun, right?"

Arthur's sitting down, obviously being pleased.

''Oh, great idea, man. But I don't know if you're ready for that."

Arthur winks at Lucas, who immediately regrets calling his buddies. He already knows what they're gonna say and there's nothing flattering about that...

''Yeah'' confirms Yann ''Lucas is a bit out of control when he plays.''

"Once," Basile continues, "he threw a controller into Arthur's TV. He smashed the screen."

"Another time," continues Arthur, "he threw the controller at Yann's head. He had a bruise for a week."

"He cheated!" Lucas defends himself.

"So" concluded Basile. "If you don't want Lucas to blame you, don't play against him. If you like the look on his face, I swear, Lucas is no angel. He's just a very bad loser."

''I'm not a bad loser. I just like to win."

Lucas sees his three friends rolling their eyes at the same time and Eliott laughing with them. Even though they're all laughing at him, he's happy to see them getting along so quickly.

''I'll watch out for the flying levers,'' laughs Eliott ''but it had to be OK.''

"Let's order pizzas, shall we?"

Yann pulls out his phone while Lucas sets up the joysticks. When the pizzas arrive, 30 minutes later, Basile is moaning, getting totally beaten up by Eliott.

''Damn, I thought you hadn't played in a while.'' Basile complains, dramatically slumping on the couch.

Eliott sits next to him laughing.

''Yeah, that's right. But I played it for hours with my bestfriend, it was always like _Come on, man, one more game. Just one._ and then it never stopped. One look from his sister, though, and he'd drop the controller in one fell swoop. Frankly, I've never seen someone as addicted to games as Idriss."

Lucas looks at Yann, who puts the pizzas on the coffee table, raising an eyebrow.

"Idriss? Like Idriss Bakhellal?"

Eliott rests the slice of pizza anchovies / chorizo he was taking and turns to Lucas.

''How do you know him? What the fuck is this?"

Lucas takes a big smile. It's just unbelievable.

''I told you I was working with a friend in school. It's Imane."

"Imane, the sister of Idriss?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''It seems so. It's crazy how small the world is."

"It's so romantic," says Basile as he chews his pizza. "You'd think if you hadn't met at the hospital, you'd have run into each other at their place. It's so cute."

Lucas throws a pillow in his face, but he looks at Eliott and smiles. The rest of the afternoon is spent between video games, serious discussions, totally crazy discussions, a joystick flying out of Lucas' hands and landing against the wall, lots of laughter and some stolen kisses.

When Eliott falls asleep on the armrest of the couch, none of his friends make any remark. Basile looks at him with a smile on his face before resuming his game and beating Arthur. Lucas sits down next to Eliott without waking him up and he can only smile. He has such great friends. He should never have hesitated to talk to them. 

''Lucas, it's 5:30. He has to go," Basile says softly as he sits down next to him, "he needs treatment, otherwise the seizures are going to be really hard for him, and for you too. But with the right follow-up, I swear you'll be fine."

Lucas nods his head. He knows Basile is right. He puts his hand on Eliott's shoulder and shakes it slightly.

"Eliott, it's time. We gotta go."

And this is how he finds himself walking through the door of a doctor's office, hand in hand with Eliott, on Saturday at 6:00 p.m. sharp. The doctor is standing in the office hallway and Lucas can see she's surprised that Eliott is there. She must have expected him not to come. And frankly, in his place, Lucas does not know if he would have come. But Basile's right, he really needs to get the proper treatment.

''Hello, Eliott. Hello, Lucas. You can wait in the waiting room. Coming, Eliott?"

She shows him a half-open door. Eliott shakes Lucas' hand a little harder in his.

''I'm coming if Lucas can come too. If not, I'm leaving."

The psychiatrist smiles as she looks at Lucas.

''No problem. It's your choice, Eliott.''

Lucas sits in the chair next to Eliott, but he won't let go of his hand. It's funny, he was expecting a couch like in the movies, but no, it just looks like a normal doctor's office.

The psychiatrist takes turns looking at them before opening a file in front of her.

''I got your file back, Eliott. We go forget everything that was noted during your hospitalization because clearly, it was a huge error in judgment. I just want you to know that I took this story to the warden. Of course, he'd prefer that no one else tell this story. So he's offering you a deal."

Lucas chuckles reluctantly. That is so typical. The doctor looks at him but goes on.

''He signed you exit voucher. So you forget you left a mental hospital illegally and he agrees not to force you back in.''

''Could he do that?''

The sound of Lucas's voice alone tells you how scared Eliott is. He squeezes his hand a little tighter and puts his other hand on his forearm.

''I don't want to go back there. I'll do it. I just want to be left alone."

The doctor gives him a sorry smile and a nod.

''Now, I'd like to talk about you now, Eliott. How you feel, how you feel about your parents? And how you feel about Lucille. And even how you feel about Lucas, if you want."

Lucas feels Eliott reaching out to him and when he looks at him, Eliott with his eyes closed.

''I don't want anything more to do with her. I just want to forget about what Lucille did. I know what you're going to say, that I should confront her, tell her to her face that it's over, but I honestly don't feel the need. I just don't ever want to see her again."

Eliott looks up at the psychiatrist, who gives him a puzzled look so Eliott grunts as he pulls out his phone.

''I don't think I could do better than that.''

Lucas watches him open his contacts. And the first ring, Lucille's face appears on the screen. As she begins to speak softly to him, telling him she's sorry and that she missed him, Eliott cuts him off right away.

''No, Lucille. I'm just calling to tell you it's over. Really. I want nothing more to do with you."

And Lucille starts laughing, and her laugh hurts Lucas.

''No one will love you as much as I love you, Eliott. I'll do anything for you. Lucas can never say the same. He'll never be able to stand who you are. Only I can do it, and you know it."

Lucas is about to open his mouth, but the doctor says to keep his mouth shut. And indeed, he didn't need to intervene because Eliott found the exact words to say.

''You're wrong, Lucille. You were ready to commit me to a hospital and drug me to stay with you. I'm not leaving you for go with Lucas. I'm leaving you because you're bad and our relationship is not good, not for me and not for you. I don't ever wanna have anything to do with you again."

And just like that, he hangs up and blocks her number. The doctor nods with a smile and Lucas feels Eliott loosening up a little. He puts his phone back in his pocket and looks at the doctor again.

''I saw my parents this morning, I went to pick up some stuff with Lucas. And I need some time before I can see them again. And I've been really hurting because even my mom didn't believe me. Lucas believed me. From the beginning. He believed in me and he helped me. So now I feel good because I'm with him. I feel like only he can really help me even if everyone close to Lucas helps me too. And frankly, I don't know why all these people want to help me when I've just come into their lives. I feel like I don't deserve any of it. But I feel like as long as I'm with Lucas, I'll be okay."

Lucas immediately takes his hand away from Eliott's and turns to him.

''No. I don't want that, Eliott. I want you to feel good, but not just when I'm around. I don't want to be your second Lucille and make all the decisions for you. I want you to be able to count on you before you can count on me. And if you need some time alone to do that, I understand. But you're already defining yourself, Eliott. Not in relation to us, just you."

Lucas' heart might break again when he see the look on Eliott's face.

''Lucas? Are you breaking up with me?"

Do you know what it's like to meet someone and feel like you've known them forever? That's exactly how Lucas feels right now. It's like he knows Eliott well enough to be able to hear his thoughts. He knows that Eliott thinks it's too much for Lucas, that he should never have asked him to go with him to the fucking appointment, that he should have left before he gets home from school on Friday, it would have been easier for both of them, that he's just fucking selfish.

Lucas knows that Eliott's thinking about this, and it's not what he wanted at all.

''No. No, Eliott is not.''

Lucas' hand is back on Eliott's but he can see that Eliott doesn't believe it.

''Lucas is right, Eliott'' said softly the doctor ''and I think he's very mature for this whole situation. You have to think of yourself first. You have to be able to feel good, even when Lucas isn't here. You can't put this much responsibility for your life on someone else. Do you understand?"

Eliott nods his head without really nodding, so Lucas does the only thing that comes to mind to make him react: He pinches him.

"Hey."

Lucas looks at him with a mischievous smile on his face and Eliott seems to relax.

''I'll be there, Eliott. And I'm flattered that you see me like this, but I wanna be your boyfriend, not your savior. I wanna be by your side and I wanna support you when you need it, but I don't wanna carry you. Do you understand the difference?"

Eliott nods his fingers together and Lucas kisses the top of his hand while the psychiatrist tells him about his treatment and then reschedules him for next week.

As soon as they leave the office, Eliott puts his arm around Lucas' shoulders and brings him closer to him.

''Thank you for coming in, Lucas. And thank you for putting me first when I'm not but you'll always be my savior and my guardian angel."

Lucas raises his head to kiss him and they go hand in hand in silence. Mika is waiting for them with a big plate of lasagne and a "great movie to watch together."

The three of them are eating in the kitchen and Lucas is just finishing his plate when he feels his mobile phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulls it out and is startled when he sees the name of the sender of the message. He reads the message and his smile couldn't be bigger. 

Eliott puts down his fork and looks at him, then Lucas puts his phone between the two of them and reads the message again while Eliott discovers it.

_Mom - 7:46 pm / Hello my beloved Lucas. The doctors are so happy with my progress that they gave me my phone back. So my first message is to tell you that I love you and that I am proud of you. I'm sorry if you thought I wanted to leave you alone, I just didn't want to be a burden to you. I'm really sorry for what I did. I promise I'll get better and we can get back to normal. How's Eliott? Did he come to live at the house?_

"Doesn't she know you live here?"

Lucas loses his smile a little when he shakes his head.

''No. I didn't really have time to talk to him. I wasn't allowed to see her until Thursday. And she just told me what you were going through, and she sent me to get you out of there."

''And she helped you get me out illegally.'' Eliott goes on to put his hand on Lucas' hand ''You two are two angels, you two.''

''Hey,'' says Mika, ''I helped, too, by the way.''

Eliott chuckles and puts his other hand on Mika's hand.

''Thank you very much, Mika. Our escape was perfect thanks to you. But you have to choose, you're either an angel or a Greek God?"

Lucas chuckles and pulls Eliott towards him to kiss him, but he stops him before their lips touch.

"You should go to her."

Lucas looks at his phone and then nods. Eliott's right. He needs to get to her and talk to her. He can't tell her everything that's changed in his life in text messages. He thanks his mother, tells her that he loves her and is proud of her progress and warns her that he will be at the hospital tomorrow morning to see her.

Mika gets up, takes a cup of chocolate mousse from the fridge and tells the boys that he is going to start the film and that they better be in the living room in less than five minutes.

''I'm sorry, Lucas, but I can't even make it to the parking lot with you, it's too soon,'' says Eliott softly, keeping his head down. 

Lucas grabs his chin and forces him to raise his head.

''I understand, Eliott, don't worry. I'm gonna go visit my mom while you sit here and talk naked to Mika."

''Did he tell you?'' Eliott wonders.

''I complained that you didn't want to do it,'' shouts Mika from the living room, ''Come on, now, come here and let's watch this movie. It's the greatest love story between two men ever shown in a movie, enough to make a straight man completely gay."

Lucas looks up at the sky as he walks into the living room with his arms full of cakes and chocolates.

''But why are you telling us this, Mika? I'm already gay, you're already gay. And Eliott's pan. There are no straight guys here."

Mika takes a huge smile on his face as he hugs Lucas.

''That's the first time I've ever heard you say that out loud, and you don't even blush. I'm so proud of you, kitten."

Eliott giggles and looks at Lucas, who's slightly blushing.

"Kitten, huh?"

Lucas waves to Eliott to let go and slumps down on the couch. And Eliott sits down next to him and leans over to whisper in his ear.

''You see you're a baby, babe. Even Mika says _kitten_ , not _my cat_. That's so cute."

Lucas sends a cushion from the couch into Eliott's head and the three of them laugh while Mika launches the DVD.

Halfway through the film, Eliott puts his head against Lucas' shoulder and Lucas kisses his forehead while he closes his eyes.

When the film ends, Lucas wakes up Eliott to take him to the bedroom. Eliott stumbles, completely numb from sleep before undressing and crawling under the blanket, just dressed in his boxer shorts, his eyes completely closed. 

Damn it, Lucas wonders how this boy can be so innocent and so unaware of his body. How can he just get naked and lie down in his boxers, like that doesn't make him look so hot?

Lucas hesitates, sighs, only keeps his boxers on and sneaks behind Eliott to hold him in a spoon. Eliott arches slightly to better match Lucas' body, but Lucas backs away, totally embarrassed by his body's reaction. At the same time, Eliott in his boxer shorts sticks his ass against his parts, how could he not have an erection. 

Eliott moves closer to Lucas but he moves back again, and his cheeks are crayfish red now. It's a good thing they're in the dark and Eliott's turning his back on him.

''Who cares, Lucas. I swear, if I was in better shape, I'd be exactly like you. We're just gonna go to sleep because I want us to take it slow, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me, okay?"

Lucas sighs with a giggle and finally hugs Eliott with a satisfying sigh.

"Good night, babe."

Lucas closes his eyes and slides his hand between Eliott's.

"Good night, muskrat."

And then, at that very moment, Lucas realizes he doesn't care if other Lucas in other universes are luckier than he is. Because what matters is the destination, not the path.

And falling asleep against Eliott is a fucking dream destination!


	9. Find out how to surprise him

_Epilogue_

"Are you sure this is a good idea?''

Lucas immediately regrets his question. He looks at Eliott, who's hesitating, and he hits him on the forearm with his hand.

''Damn it, Eli, you said you were sure about this. ''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

''Yeah, well, I was sure before I see that fucking door. Now, that just sounds like a bad fucking idea. We should be packing our bags. Oh, fuck, I think I'm gonna die. Do you think we should turn back? Do you think I should ring the bell? Tell me what to do."

Lucas takes Eliott's face in a cup and smiles at him.

''You just need to breathe, my love. And then you decide what you want to do. Our suitcase is packed. We have plenty of time to do this today, but we don't have to do it now. It's up to you.''

Eliott takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. And Lucas feels like he's going crazy. He really thought that Eliott wouldn't do it.

''Oh fuck, he did. Holy shit."

And Eliott takes Lucas' hand in his and the door opens slowly. Lucas has a moment's hesitation before he says hello to Eliott's mom. He's still not sure if he's really ready for this. And the amazement on Eliott's mom's face, mixed with tears almost coming out and a nervous smile, doesn't help Lucas feel good.

''Oh, my God, you guys. Oh. Come on in, come on in."

Eliott goes in first, but don't let go of Lucas' hand. He looks around and seems surprised.

"Dad Isn't here?"

Even after nine months with each other, Lucas can't tell if Eliott is relieved or worried about his absence.

''You asked me not to contact you, so I didn't, but your father is gone, Eliott. Actually, I asked him to leave in January. I couldn't take the blame anymore."

"About me?"

Eliott's mom shrugs her shoulders.

''About everything. About how I raised you, how I left everything to you, how it was all my fault, how I sent you money every month even though you didn't ask for it. Everything."

Lucas is smiling in spite of himself, because as hard as it is to hear all this, Eliott's mom is clearly being honest.

''None of this is your fault, Mom.'' Eliott says quietly before he lets go of Lucas' hand and throws himself into her arms.

''And none of it is yours either, Eliott'' she says as she strokes his hair ''I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I really hope you'll forgive me someday, but know that I can never forgive myself."

And slowly Lucas gets to know the woman that Eliott has been telling him about for nine months. And even though he knows it hurt him so much that she would rather believe other people than him, Lucas knows that everyone deserves a second chance. They talk about the flatshare, the Lucas' classes, the exams Eliott hasn't taken, his registration at Lucas' high school for next year and their impending trip. Lucas appreciates Eliott's mother's interest and that she doesn't question the choices they made together.

In the end, the atmosphere is much less heavy than Lucas would have thought. His mother seems especially happy that Eliott has come back to her. They leave her with a big smile on her face and the promise to come back and give each other some news. 

''I'm so happy, baby. It was just way better than I expected.''

Lucas looks at Eliott lying on their bed. He finishes hanging Eliott's latest drawing on the wall. Soon there won't be any more room between the photos, drawings and the post it they sometimes leave each other in the morning, but Lucas doesn't care. 

''I found it too. She's really nice. It's nice that she wants to meet my mom. I'm sure the two of them will get along really well. We'll do that when you're ready."

Eliott sits down and grabs Lucas by the waist and pulls him towards him and drops him on the bed.

''Thank you so much for doing this with me, babe.''

Lucas bursts out laughing before he kisses Eliott.

''It was you, Eliott. It was just you. I never would have rung the bell, never would have even made it to the door. I'm so proud of you. Honestly, you blew my mind. I didn't think you'd actually do it. I'm really proud to be standing beside you through all this."

He kisses him and Eliott lies down on the bed so lucas can lie on top of him. Eliott's hands gently slide under Lucas' shirt before he takes his while Lucas takes his. Feeling Eliott's naked chest against his is always so electrifying. Lucas kisses his neck and then goes down to kiss his nipples. Eliott moans at the same time the door opens. And they don't even look up to know it's Mika. Only Mika always goes into their room without knocking.

''Oh, kittens, Charles just arrived. Come on, get your ass out of bed or you'll miss your train."

Lucas moans as he falls on Eliott before he gets up and grabs his shirt and then Eliott's.

''Come on, guys,'' spells Manon as she enters the room behind Mika ''Daphne's already there. I hear there's a crazy world out there.''

Lucas looks up to the sky.

''Of course it's crowded, we take the train on the first Saturday of school holidays.''

''All the more reason to go there! Come on, guys, if we're late, Daphne will kill us."

"Oh, no," laughs Eliott as he grabs his duffle bag. "If we're late, Imane will kill us. And Idriss will definitely laugh."

Lucas grabs his backpack with a smile. It's the first time he's gone on vacation sharing his bag with someone and frankly it's great. Eliott takes their bag with their clothes for the week (which are shorts, T-shirts and especially their swimsuits), and Lucas has in his backpack everything he needs for the train ride. 

When they arrive at the Montparnasse train station, Lucas grabs Eliott's hand to reassure himself. It's true that there are a lot of people. Basile grabs his free arm and hugs him, making him jump. Lucas did not see it coming and Basile realized it because he is laughing. 

''Damn, Lulu, you've seen the world. Honestly, if you lose me here, make a phone call, make a beat, but don't leave without me.''

Lucas laughs as he pulls his vibrating phone out of his pocket.

"Arthur says they're under the billboard.''

As soon as they see them, it's a huge party. Everybody's jumping into each other's arms, screaming. Eliott takes Idriss in his arms while Imane congratulates Lucas for not being the last.

''Yeah, that's thanks to Mika'' says Charles ''because they were already half naked when I arrived at the apartment. I'm warning you, I'm not getting a room next to them.''

Everybody laughs and finally nobody wants to sleep in the room next to them.

''Fuck you all.'' laughs Lucas.

''You're just making too much noise, bro,'' laughs Yann ''We can't even tell it's about Eliott. It's just you. It's cool that you're enjoying the joys of sex, but no one wants to hear that.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and is about to say it's still Eliott's fault he's so loud, but the scoreboard changes and everyone starts complaining. 

''45 minutes late. Fuck that, man. Whose idea was it to take this trip?"

All eyes turn to Alexia, who shrugs her shoulders.

''Hey, you were all happy with my idea. A week by the sea in a fucking beach house. It's gonna be a permanent party and next Saturday you're all gonna cry 'cause you don't wanna come back."

Lucas nods. She's clearly right. When she suggested everyone go to La Rochelle for a week, the guys immediately jumped at the chance. Now that Lucas' father gives him money to pay his rent and to live, and since Eliott has been getting money from his mother since he has been living with Lucas, they have managed to save enough to go away with their friends. The only condition for Imane to come, was that Idriss came too. And Lucas is really happy to be able to spend a week with Eliott's best friend. They have become really close since Eliott got back in touch with Idriss and Lucas loves to see the two boys together. Well rather three boys, because Sofiane is almost always with them. And Lucas suspects Imane to have accepted that his brother spends the week with them only so that Sofiane can come too. It's going to be an emotional week...

Lucas is looking around. Eliott laughs with Idriss and Basile. Charles and Manon kiss, Yann and Arthur fight to control the Bluetooth speaker and choose the music that Alexia and Sofiane dance to while Daphne and Imane wave to Emma who comes running in. Lucas could have bet that she would be the last to arrive.

''Babe, we got time to spare. What do you say we move around a little bit?"

Everybody looks at Eliott like he's got a second head, but Lucas smiles and nods. Because he knows that Eliott doesn't like it when there are too many people around. And right now, in this crowded train station, it's really too crowded. So he takes their bag, he takes Eliott's hand in his and they walk through the less crowded hallways. 

They hang out in the shops for a while before heading back to their friends. When they return to the lobby, they are on the opposite side of their friends. Lucas immediately notices the piano. And it's rather sad that there's such a beautiful piano in the middle of the station and nobody uses it. Of course, Lucas knows that sometimes the piano is used to its true value, but right now, when the station is crowded, nobody uses it and Lucas finds that sad. 

He stops and Eliott stops, frowning, wondering why Lucas stops like that. Lucas lets go of Eliott's hand and approaches the piano. He puts his hand on the keyboard and a note sounds.

And Basile, out of nowhere, starts laughing.

''Hey Lulu, what are you doing? No one wants to hear you butchering that piano. Pianos in train stations, it's only nice that people can play, otherwise it really sucks."

Lucas gives him a black stare before giving Eliott the eye. And the loving look that Eliott gives him back gives him all the courage to sit on the piano bench.

He rings the first three notes before stopping. It's been so long. What's nice is that nobody in the station seems to care about him, except for all his group of friends walking towards him laughing, and finally, it's pretty cool. Everybody's really too busy with their own lives to take a look at Lucas and it really suits him. He looks at Eliott who smiles and closes his eyes.

And he's playing. It's like everything comes back to him. Like his fingers know exactly what to do. At the same time, he's repeated the melody a thousand times between the ages of 12 and 15. His father taught him how to play this song for Mother's Day, and afterwards he played it over and over again, always wanting to go faster, always wanting to improve it, wanting it to be perfect. And now, right in the middle of the Montparnasse train station, he finds himself back in the lively whirlwind of this song. _I love you._

When he reopens his eyes when he takes his hand off the keyboard, a thunderous applause rings out and it makes him jump. He almost falls off the bench. Eliott is right next to the piano and he is filming the crowd that has stopped in its tracks and is applauding Lucas. All their friends are stunned, next to Basile.

Lucas stands up and waves around to thank everyone as he feels his cheeks get really red. He takes refuge in the arms of Eliott who kisses his hair.

''Fucking perfect, baby. You are unbelievable."

Lucas barely has time to kiss Eliott before their friends jump around screaming.

"You're fucking unbelievable!" "This is huge, Lucas!" "Since when do you know how to do this?" "How come we've never seen you play before?" "Will you take the music option at the BAC with me?" "Fucking Lulu, we need to do a buff."

And out of all the cheering, one voice is louder than the others.

"Shit, the train leaves in five minutes, platform 16! Run!"

Everyone looks at Imane, then the clock on the notice board, grabs his bag and starts running to the platform. And Lucas feels free. He feels so good. He runs hand in hand with Eliott, surrounded by their friends and they all laugh. Lucas clearly slows down Eliott who could go much faster with his long legs but Lucas knows that he wouldn't let go of his hand under any circumstances. 

They jump on the train and Daphne is the last to get on before the doors close. 

''Damn, this is it! 45 minutes late and we almost missed it." Arhur shouts out before bursting out laughing.

There are way too many of them to be in the train corridor. Lucas and Eliott are in the middle of the steps going up to the floor and Basile starts to join them but Charles calls them immediately.

''Baz, Eliott, Lucas, our seats are all downstairs. Come on down."

Basile turns around and misses a step. He falls straight into Daphne's arms while everyone is laughing.

''Why fall down the stairs when you can fall in love,'' says Basile, raising a teasing eyebrow and looking into Daphne's eyes.

Daphne looks at him, seems hesitant and then gently pushes him away.

''You can also fall in love on the stairs,'' says Eliott before leaning over to kiss Lucas ''it's the best thing that ever happened to me in life.'' 

Lucas can't even hear their friends saying they're too cute or making fun of them.

It's just him and Eliott, in each other's arms, on the stairs. 

Two happy boys, in love and surrounded by all their friends, departing off for a madness' week!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who have followed this story with me! Your comments make me smile every time and make me want to write more Elu's stories!

**Author's Note:**

> I always like comments, don't hesitate.


End file.
